Remember the best... forget the rest.

The trip to San Francisco should have been amazing, and in many ways it was. I mean I was struggling from band overload. So many amazing things to see, so many interesting people… There were little kids rocking out, Wookie’s wandering around, Dead Heads, Punk Rockers, Righteous Emo Kids, hippies… so many interesting people to meet to see.

I want to write a super fun blog about all of this… but I was so not there…. I tried so hard to rock out. I tried so hard to have a good time. I blamed a boy for my fun time block. It wasn’t his fault. I think I may have lost my mojo. I think I forgot to just have fun. I’m in a funk; I don’t know how to get out. I think I’m on the up and up… and then I realize I’m drowning all over again.

So I’ll say this. I have to find a way to get myself into a happy state soon. This funk has got to go. If I’m getting sick of myself… surely others won’t put up with me for long. The worst part of it all is I feel like I’ve really put a wedge between myself and the people I want the closest to me. So scared to loose control, I’m so scared to move forward, but still so scared to stay put. How can a 26 year old have a midlife crisis?

Any other time. I would Run Away. Far Away. Fast as I can. But I like it here. I want to stay. I’m tired of running. For every step running away, it’s like 10 steps back. I love traveling… but I haven’t traveled for a few years. I’ve ran… I’ve tried to disappear. I’ve tried to get away… I’ve tried to be someone new. Change myself, be someone. Now the hard part is staying put through the hard parts. You can’t run forever. Sometimes you have to figure out who you are, right where you are. I also have to stop hiding. That’s the same as running. Locking myself in my apartment. I’m not sure where I start all this? How do I start working on becoming me? I’m starting to feel better, just by writing this. Does that count as a start?

There you have it faithful follower. My trip to San Francisco was not an easy one. It wasn’t a fly by the seat of your pants Epic time, but I’m glad it happened. I got to see some amazing bands… I got to check out San Francisco. I got to see what it looks like to be on the 36th floor of the Westin. I got to see little Italy… I got to see Fisherman’s Warf. I got to wander around aimlessly. I got to hold a boy’s hand. It’s a bit of a disaster that these demons inside my head decided to confront me for his birthday… and I think I ruined his trip. I hope I didn’t. I hope he gives me another chance to show him we can have fun together. Because there were some times where we did have an excellent adventure…

xo



Here we're the good times, hopefully when we look back in 10 years this is all we'll remember:





































keep smiling... even if its only on the inside...