Fucking Chicks.

So he says to me,


"I met this girl, you know the one who I said I was going on a date with, you know the other night when I said I couldn't go for beers?"

I said:

"Ok"


and he was like....

"Well you see. We went on a date. Everything was great. Everything was nice, and fun... and you know she was pretty quiet... but whatever. Then, fuck....
Let me be honest here.
She's Fuckin' terrible in bed."

so I said:

"Oh, Ok."

and he was like....

"Well what's the rule? What do I do. She's not a bad girl. She's not a bad person. She's just really terrible in bed and I never want to sleep with her again."

(at this point I just nodded)

and he was like....

"Well?"

(at this point i realized I was actually supposed to respond to this)

so I said:

"I don't think you have to call her if you don't want to. I mean you're obviously not interested in the girl and she's not a bad person, so i wouldn't worry about it. Why are you even asking me this anyway?"

and he was like...

"Well your a chick."



thanks. Every once and a while its nice to be reminded that I represent the opinions of an entire population.

Weathering the Storm.... grace? N/A

My eyes are glazed over.
I’m having trouble keeping my head up.
If I was submerged in water, I would drown, but I strangely feel like I’m submerged in gravy, like I can’t move very quickly, but everything around me is moving very fast.

I am in the eye of the storm.
No time to breathe.
No time to think.

But here I am.

kicking the ass out of this storm. for now... And as long as it doesn’t blow me over the edge, we’ll all be ok. I picture myself as the cow, caught in the tornado in the Wizard of Oz. I’ll be fine. Look’y me I’m still Mooooing. No power to do anything, except voice my complaints. And still, I’m flying away… who knows where I’ll land.

I aced everything I handed in yesterday, and I plan on acing everything I hand in today, and tomorrow, and Thursday and Tuesday, and….
I sell confidence and results.

But like the cow in the tornado, my success in life is entirely dependent on where I land. It’s a perilous journey and the only thing I have control over is my reaction. I pray I take this storm and ride it all the way to Vancouver Island, landing in the freezing cold pacific. Miss French will yank me from the water, Mags will grab me a towel, and K will pour me a beer. All I know for certain, is the storm is far from finished, and I know when it will end. Watch out world, in thirteen days, two hours and forty-two minutes this girl will be free. The storm will be behind me, and hopefully I landed somewhere safe, unbroken.

Until then, if you see me, hug me, offer me food and candy, and please don’t be mad at me if I bite, it’s not you… it’s the storm.

And in 13 days, two hours and forty-two minutes, please don’t judge me if I drink too much, or make an ass out of myself… I'll be celebrating life, and the ability to have one.

Green with envy.

She came home...

and now she's gone.

She's having fun in the Big Easy. Eating Crawfish, Jambalya, Red Beans and Rice. Listening to Jazz. Drinking her face off. Down by the water. Watching the world sink.

I'm happy for her.

But I'm also very very very very jealous.

Harper, keep on harping on.

My life for the past 24 hours has revolved around this article.

CBC News, “Killed climate change bill flawed: Harper,” November 17, 2010,

http://www.cbc.ca/politics/story/2010/11/17/senate-climate-bill.html, accessed on November 20, 2010.

Now I lay me down to sleep

Everything can be examined in isolation,

but nothing exists in isolation.

We are all a part of a system.


We are all in this together.
No matter how much we try and separate ourselves from it all.
We are what we eat.
We are what we do.
We are who we want to be.
Our actions speak louder.
Our inactions speak loudest.

Electricity through my fingers, one word at a time.

For a while now, I've felt numb.







I don't feel numb today.

I don't know what the answers are,
I don't know how to make life work.

But its pretty nice to wake up and feel alive.
Electricity is running through my fingers, my stomach is doing flippy floppys, my head is clear, my thoughts are positive.

For the first time in a while I actually think I can get it all done.
I think I can make it.
Sometimes, you have to be selfish and you have to let yourself take what you want. Sometimes, you have to roll over and miss your bus.
Sometimes, you have to just stop avoiding the world, and just start typing.

One word at a time, it will all get done one word at a time.

Life is supposed to be Silly.

Last night, I went out. I was irresponsible. I'm not meant for being a hermit. Maybe I am. No more rules. Are you dancing yet? Watch this:



Anytime you want to feel good.
Stop
Everything.

Life is too short to get all serious and not have a good time.


Wise Words Mr. Stephensen.... Wise words.

Use your Vagina to make a difference...

"Buy the ticket, take the ride" - Hunter S. Thompson

Last night I shouldn't have left.
I was happy.
I was safe.
I was looking for adventure.
I was hoping to catch a break.
I was hoping life could be better.

I wanted fun. i wanted excitement. I needed a new zone a new life and new... something, and I juuust couldn't put my finger on it.

I should have stayed right where I was.
Instead I left.
Was disappointed.


But then I think back to the time, I was going to stay in my room. I wasn't going to go out. I wanted to just have a night to chill, and I was so poor anyway. And then I forced myself to leave the house, and an adventure struck me right between the eyes, and I had the time of my life. That night lead me to touring with a band all around the lower mainland, making friends, lovers, kicking ass and taking names. I never want my life to be without these adventures... So I think back on this morning. Yes.... I probably should have just stayed, but the day wasn't bad. In fact, its been pretty fucking awesome. So.

lets do it all over again. lets make some mistakes. lets get off our ass. move on to the next adventure. Because...

If you stop looking, the adventures well they just stop coming.

You wear the pants, I wear the pants, WHO WEARS THE APRON?

What is food anyway? Is it vegetables? Meat? Chickens? Eggs? Cheese? Cheese spread? Wonder bread? Booster Juice? Starbucks? Tim Horton’s? Fructose? Sucrose? Modified corn syrup? Where does real food end and fake food begin?

I am currently reading In Defense of Food: an Eaters Manifesto by Michael Pollan, and he asks this very question: What is food? He argues that our personal heath cannot be divorced from the health of the food chains of which we are a part.

I am willing to open my eyes and look at what I put in my mouth.

I am willing to go into the supermarket in January and not expect vine ripened tomatoes.

I will no longer order the asparagus spears in October.

I will look at where my food comes from before I buy it, and I will let this fact sway my decisions.

I will try harder to eat real food.

I will try to cook. I will try to cook. I will try too cook.

If only I could get over my aversion to domesticity and take a turn in the apron of life. If only I could get over this hump, turn on the broiler and make the world a better place one meal at a time. Instead I eat chicken wings, drink beer, order pizza, drink coffee…..







Maybe less chicken now...

Not Such a Pretty Girl.

Today I needed to take 5.
Remember who I am.
Remember why I'm here.

Today I needed to take 5.
Think a little deeper.
Think a little more.

Remember what I'm doing.

I don't need someone to tell me I'm smart.
I don't need someone to tell me I'm beautiful.
I don't need someone to hold my hand and tell me 'everything will be just fine'

What I do need is to remember, that I am smart and I am beautiful, and no matter what anyone else thinks or does, I'm going to make it, I'm going to be ok.

I need to remember to tell myself this everyday.

I am Smart.... I am Beautiful...

Nothing is as it seems. Everything is Rainbows.

It all started with an extra 100 km's, a case of beer, my friends Skid, Col and Charlie. We picked up a 12 pack of Keiths in Drumheller, and Skid took the wheel. I'd been thirsty all day, and that first cold one went down a treat, then came the second and then the third. By then I didn't give a shit when we got to Kowtown, I just knew I was up for all the adventures that lay before me, and nothing was going to slow me down. We made it in in good time, even sober Skid was starting to get into the groove. Some rocking tunes, some good vibes, nothing could kill this buzz.



We get into the hotel just in time. The crew is heading for food, and the beers were in the cooler. The restaurant was occupied, and unwelcome, so we made our way back to the room after a couple shots and some random pizza in hand. The world was open to whatever came before us. Little did I know we were in the eye of the storm and there was noting to prevent us from getting sucked into the vortex that would be party AJ and Charlie. There were pillow fights and laying in beds, and serious conversations and light moments of bliss and enough bull shit to tip the Calgary tower. And still we ventured deeper and further into the abyss.



One by one everyone moved over, or up and onward. Soon enough there were only four of us left, AJ, Col, Me and Charlie. I was up I was down i was spun like a top, i was everywhere and anywhere and I was nothing like me, i was nothing like you, we were all lost in each other's company. The drinks were flowing as well as the conversation and the next thing you know the sun was rising in the distance, and I was crawling into my warm bed. Sleep never came that morning, but shopping came that afternoon, the boys looked dapper the girls look gorgeous and all was right with the world. AJ wanted us to be the rockstars we were and took us on a Limo ride.

Charlie took the prime seat with all of us behind him and the next thing you know we're out on the town without a care in the world. The night never ended and the conversation flowed once again with the drinks. Everyone was kepping on keeping up and once in the end there were 5. Skid stayed on this night, the conversation kept him going along with the white russians. I couldn't make it this time, Skid took my place at the conversation table and I drifted off the sleep on the couch. I made my way to bed, and slept until 7:30 am, when I woke up to silence.
I sunk back into my nice warm bed. I couldn't sleep a wink after that...

The drive up was nice, it was calm, it was real, it was fun and it was chill. Breakfast in red deer was all we could hope for an wicket in my bed while I slept at 8:00 pm that evening was all I could ask for. It was an epic weekend of epic proportions filled with epic awesomeness and that in the end is all you can ask for when you share a b-day with a rad gal and some awesome friends. We rocked Kowtown. and I will never be the same.

Let them eat cake.

I've had a couple exceptional birthdays, but I’ve also had a few awful ones. It’s a real inconsistent day, a day I generally try to avoid. This is relationship number two in a row that has ended the week before my birthday. It must be the season, or it must be me in the season, or maybe it’s just me or maybe its just chance… Regardless of the cause I’m newly single for another birthday and I thought I would just want to avoid the whole thing.

Instead, I had some really amazing friends come out of the woodwork. I already talked about Shmel and C. and Spoon and Dan... well last night made for a beautiful evening of re-hashing our very early past and our present and future with a couple of friends I've had since elementary school. We drank wine, we shared stories, we broke bread. Its the way it should be and it was exactly how I wanted to spend the day. After dinner we went back for a movie night and some more quality time, me and Bean.

Get him to the Greek. Loved it!

When I originally wrote this post I was on a negative train of thought. Thinking about the worst birthdays I've had... and then I forced myself to look at some of the best.

One year a very caring boy – friend made me a chocolate cake with boiled vanilla icing and it was delicious. That was really nice.

One year a boyfriend made me breakfast and it was awesome, unfortunately he left me the dishes.

One year a boyfriend booked me into a day at the spa. He didn’t pay for it, just booked it and I was left with a 300$ tab, scrambling for cash at the end. It wasn’t as relaxing as it should have been.

One year a boyfriend urinated all over my computer the night of my birthday. I suppose the saving grace was he didn’t wet the bed, and my computer was fine.

One year a boy broke up with me a week before my birthday, but my present was already in the mail, and it was a really thoughtful present. That was nice….ish.

One year a friend of mine got another friend of mine to give me a strip show and he took it really seriously and then we all went out and played trivia and drank beer. That was nice.

One year a group of my friends had a spontaneous underwear party in a hotel room and beat each other with a leather belt. Hmm… yep, true story.

One year a friend of mine threw a keg party for me and made me party, even though I didn’t feel like it. And it was awesome.

One year my friends and I all bought take-out curry and talked all night. There love mended my broken heart.

One year all I wanted to do was go tobogganing for my birthday and it snowed the night before. So all my friends and I could go to snake hill and ride.

One year my dad and I went skiing. That was the best.

One year I was in Australia for my birthday and a cougar made me a cake and we celebrated and had an awesome time, and then I got on a plane and made my way to Canada and it was my birthday all over again because of the time change.

One year Dad and I had an 80’s party. I went as Siouxsie Sioux; we drank beer and played rockband. It was epic!

This year I got taco's at on the rocks, beers at Hudson's aaand at Rosario's, I got a basketball game with my dad, dinner at my parents, dinner out with my parents, and drinks and great company at 4th and Vine.... not too shabby.

So, what I’m getting at is, yep, my birthdays are inconsistent and I can’t ever figure them out and you know what? It doesn’t really matter. Some are good. Some are bad. Sometimes I’m single, sometimes I’m not, but being one or the other has absolutely no bearing on it turning out.

There are some consistencies, and they are the best. Some great friends, my family, sharing a b-day with my pop, beer and lots of love. and cake. There’s always cake.

I'm not listening...lalalalalalalalala.

Thank you for making my smile Mr. Pierce:
Work: is poop when it starts. its poop for your head. poop for your fragile self esteem. poop poop poop.
Cleaning my room: is poop when it starts. its poop for your head. poop for your fragile self esteem. poop poop poop.
Doing Laundry: is poop when it starts. its poop for your head. poop for your fragile self esteem. poop poop poop.

... it was meant to be talking about a 95$ headband... but the applications are endless.

She kissed me goodbye as she walked out the door.

Yesterday was my birthday. I’m going to keep celebrating it today, and tomorrow, and the day after that and the whole weekend, because I love Epic parties like that. I hide myself for a while, only to explode for a week and then I become a hermit again. It’s a routine. Is it possible to have a binge partying routine? Meinh, don’t care, it’s my reality.

My birthday went a little like this:
Sleep, Walk Wicket, School, Beer, Walk Wicket, Beer, Tacos, Text, Beer, Walk Wicket, Sleep.

Mixed in with all of this were some of my beautiful friends, and plenty of phone calls and text messages to wish me a happy day. The friends who called and came out last night were not necessarily who I expected, but they are genuine and heartfelt and they made me feel special.

I got an offer to take my job back at the restaurant… that was nice. He said I could work Fridays and Saturdays, and I wouldn’t have to work Sundays. It’s a fair deal, and at this point… once I start hibernating again… it might be good to get some extra cash flow. I’ll think about it though…. I’ll think about it. I got to hang with Spooner, just like it was January all over again. I got to do shooters with Dan… Jagger, my friend. I miss them all very much, a social dynamic with a paycheque, getting paid to chit chat.

Interestingly, Shmelly’s babe royally called me out on my shit last night. It was tough to hear, completely valid, but still tough to hear. I’m always picking up and taking off, next trip, next adventure, and next place to move, next career move, next and next and next and next. Always moving always running away, that’s me, always on the move, but not really going anywhere. One step forward 4 steps back.

Grow the fuck up he says… and she was like you can’t say that, but then she said pretty much the same thing, just in a nicer way. I have a serious commitment problem. I can’t commit to a town, I can’t commit to a job, I can’t commit to a guy, I can’t commit to a routine.

But then I realize I have to stop being so hard on myself. It’s a one day at a time thing.
Right?

Either way it was a night for growing, of chatting, of day dreaming. It’s not the night I thought I would get a couple weeks ago, but it was still nice. Now today is for:
Hung-over revelations, sitting in cubicle land, dreaming of snow, avoiding work, wondering where the next adventure will bring me, I can’t help but think of bigger and better, Why? Because I’m bored as fuck.

THE BIG QUESTION:

If you drop a penny, is it considered littering?

Movember inspiration.

It's time to let yourself go, take a turn for the chill, warm your baby face... and yes, grow a moustache. Here are a few of my favorites to keep you inspired.

Enjoy Movember gentlemen, and ladies, don't worry it only lasts a month.


















L.

Its only Sunday.

AH life...
I've opted to stay home today. A novelty at this point really. Every night this week I've ended up in St. Albert. Tonight is for Edmonton... oh wait... I'm going to St. Albert tonight to watch a movie with B. alas... I should just move back. I don't mind the drive now, the construction on the trail has settled down a bit, and my road rage is giving way to patience (most of the time) and well... I kinda like it there. weird.

Last night was Daddy daughter date night. We went for beers, watched some quality U of A basketball and then went home and bugged mom who was watching a terrible Burt Renolds/Tobby Keith country music movie of the week. She let us make fun... It is our birthday week after all.

Its awesome to share a birthday with my dad. Its just one more thing to bring us together. We laugh all week about wishing each other happy birthday and we totally drag out the celebrations. Like this week we're not having our birthday dinner until Thursday... which means I get to have birthday drinks on Tuesday, and Wednesday and then Dinner on Thursday.... Life isn't so bad, being surrounded by friends and family is awesome.

today was for sleeping and writing and reading. It also should have been for homework.. but that will catch up with me soon enough. Mostly life is just a countdown... waiting for this school to end so I can really begin.

Does anyone know anything about Public Relations? I'm thinking of registering in this program. I want to do something different. Law School seems like a pipe dream with my 3.4 and absolute lack of desire to be in school for another 3 years... but Communications...I like communicating. We'll see... I think its only a matter of time before I ditch the real world and head back to the snow.

How do you like them apples?

Could I flip flop anymore in one page?

Open your eyes... Everything in life's for sale.

Woke up to Coldplay ringing in my ear.
The smell of cigarettes, cheap rye and instant coffee.
My pants off, dignity intact.
Home alone. No pooch to comfort me.
That was this morning.

Tonight....
well at least tonight I'm listening to better music.

And Wicket's here.

Just behind the corner...

Ouuu my last Friday at 26…
Birthdays are always a time for change for me. Time to turn over a new leaf, time to make some new friends, or time to find the friends I’ve lost over the years. It’s been a HUGE year this time around. So much has happened…

So many new beginnings
So many fresh starts, fresh mind, fresh tracks
So many heat beats, heart aches, heart breaks
New love, old love, lost love, puppy love….

And all the while life just keeps ticking along, work keeps piling up, beers keep flowing, friends keep calling, meals get eaten, homework gets done, and things get accomplished.

This year I will graduate, and loose the obligation to get this thing I’m in, done. I’ll be able to relax, if I choose, and settle into a life. Any life. Funny how I still think I’ll choose this one.

Not out of fear
Not out of regret
Not out of lack of experience
Not for lack of choice

I feel more settled now than I have ever felt. More comfortable:

in my mind
in my body
in my home
in my soul

Maybe it’s the age talking, maybe it’s the vodka (just kidding), maybe it’s just time I learned to be myself. But anyway, I like it, like me. I like where I’m at and I’m stoked to put another X on my Calendar and enjoy my last Friday of 26. I don’t think much more can change, but hey… I thought that last year too.

Where the fuck is Weetah Tasmania?

It came up in the feedjit. I'm just asking.

UN debate. done.
Hanging out with family. done.
Walking the pooch. Done. Done.
Eating popcorn and watching the best show ever while sipping on a nice cold one....

Freedom to talk about 'you know what....'

Freedom of expression
Freedom to bear arms
Freedom of the press
Freedom of Religion
Freedom from Communism…
Free Market Economy…

Just not freedom to Masturbate?

Thank goodness this lady didn’t make it, next thing you know we’d all be accused of participating in heathen worship.

Or Worse… We might go BLIND.

And in the right corner wearing the green shorts weighing in at a mere 1.6% of the worlds Co2 emissions is Australia

We are proudly representing Australia in out Mock UN Framework Conference on Climate Change. The more I research Australia's position on Climate Change, the more I think Kevin Rudd is a stand up guy. What gives Australia, why didn't you like him? What's up with that Ms. Gillard, why did you have to steal the Prime spot from him...?
Don't worry Ms. G. I still like ya. You seem hard as nails, a no bull kinda broad. But we'll see how you do next month...
Either way... The more I research international agreements to mitigate Climate Change... the more I'm liking that I got Australia, and I'm pretty grateful I didn't get Canada.

I love this country, and I love living in this country, but I wouldn't want to be the one talking about Canada's Climate Change action plan... to an empty room.

Wish us luck tomorrow. Its debate time.

the girl no longer, L Dot perhaps?

In french there's a saying 'metro boulot dodo'
its all about the everyday grind of using the train, going to work and sleeping. This seems like my life more and more. day in day out, day in day out, day in day out. The routine is comforting, and scary, no more world travling for this little chicken. Too busy day in day out, day in day out...
I recieved confirmation today that I will be able to graduate in the spring. I will be free. What will I do? Will I stay? or Will I go? In just a few months, the world will be my oyster again. I will have an education, life experience, career possibilites, options... How will it all work out? Sometimes the world seems so open, sometimes life seems so full of choices, sometimes life seems like

Metro boulot do do.