Smackdown.

So, I went to the scotsman's and he found another excuse to wear his KAPOW underpants and his WWE heavy weight championship belt.

I left before the hula hooping.

Wicket came.

He broke hearts and took names.

I took no pictures.

Maybe I'll get tagged in facebook

Home by 10pm...

I'm resting Sarah. I'm resting up for our A game weekend in Calgary. In the meantime.... Lame.

Yeah, sure, 1 more jug.

One of the best parts of being in Edmonton is hanging out with my Dad.

We sink pints. We bull shit. He gives me advice. I take it. I give him advice... he pretends not to take it. But at the end of the day, we really love each other, and we love hanging out with each other... and isn't that great?

He loves to party with me and my friends and they all know it.

And you'll never got thirsty at his house, and you'll never go hungry with Momma B in the picture.

Today we went for pints.

We drink jugs.

Keiths.

He says to me, you know Lesley, Love isn't difficult. Should be the simplest thing on the planet really. Its about two people who like each other and have fun together and are willing to share some responsibilities.

Simple.

All Hallow's Eve.

I've been in hiding since Monday. I haven't left the house unless I've had to... and when I have had to leave, I've only gone to four safe places:

1) Work

2) School

3) Rosario's

4) the Yoga studio

The first two I didn't really have much choice, and the third is the only place where I feel ok walking in, looking like shit, sitting down, having a beer, and no one asks any questions. Its my pub, and if you don't have a pub of your own, you should get one. But not mine. I don't like to run into people I know. At least not yet.

Ironically following the third is the fourth. A new hot yoga studio on the west side on central that keeps me not thinking because I'm too busy figuring out how to breathe. I almost vomited the first class, but I think today's class will be better.

The pooch has been pretty stoked with all of the alone time we've been having. Me lost in endless paper work and thoughts on things that there is no need to think about; Him snuggled next to me, happy and safe and loved.

Sssssssssslllllllllllllooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg

down the pace.... its been nice, its been necessary.

Tonight is halloween. Boo.

I don't feel too much like doing anything. I don't have a costume. I don't have a plan. I don't have a date. But I did get a call from an unlikely friend. Looks like he's having a small gathering people at his place (although he labeled it a 'party'). He asked me to bring myself and my A game. How can I say no? I should get out of the house. And to be honest its the only offer i got....I want to dress up like something dead. Maybe a zombie?I wonder if he'll dress up like a Mexican wrestler again and dazzle the crowd with his mad hula hooping skills.... mmm

might be part of the reason he's having trouble getting people to attend..hahaha.

Keeping with the times

Is there such a thing as an appropriate 'work' costume? I understand that it is casual friday after all... but some people.
I wish I had an Iphone so I could have been sneeky and snapped some pics... but I don't.

But there was a 250 pound woman dressed as a sexy kitty cat at starbucks.
A 40 year old pirate wench in line at the bank, wearing fishnets and hooker boots. and a corset.... shiver up spine.
and a geriatric sexy - nurse... litteraly, this nurse was old, too old to be wearing fishnets anyway... borderline retirement!!

Maybe its that costumes in general have gotten grossly inapropriate....

I do however think, if you can add sexy to the front of your costume idea, then it might not be right for work. Just saying.

Is cheesecake a vegetable

My roommates boyfriend cooked diner last night and I was lucky enough to get 'stuck' with the leftovers. So, as I sit here devouring a plate of Salmon Alfredo made with cream, loaded with complex carbohydrates and dripping with oil; I am drawn back to a conversation I had with Bean this morning while sipping chai after our hot yoga class...

She was letting me know about her decision to try fasting. Cleansing and holistic health are an enormous part of her life and to her fasting is a natural progression into a deeper understanding of her personal health. So she's working herself up gently to this cleanse and the first step for her is less coffee, no meat, no complex carbohydrates and more veggies. The second step is no sugar, no coffee, no meat, only whole grains (in small amounts), no fruit (sugar) and the rest vegetables. The third step is only raw vegetables. And the fasting is just juice, that she makes at home. Then she goes back, very gently and lets herself have everything back with less sugar and coffee.

I WOULD DIE.

I am lucky if I cook a meal. And if I do, you can rest assured it will have a complex carbohydrate in there at some point or at least a cheap whole grain. I'm a good cook... but with the roomie gone for another 4 weeks, its just me and the pooch, and we don't share meals...Plus lets be honest... I'm lazy.

But I get where she's coming from... she's just on a whole other level than me. I do need to spend some more time encouraging myself to spend more time on myself...

So I'm going to try and eat breakfast in the mornings.

And I'm going to go to yoga 3 times this week.

And I'm going to write nonsense in my blawg to keep me current, whenever I damned well feel like it.

And I'm going to get some homework done. Tonight. Mostly cuz I have to and less because I want to... but its going to get done and its going to feel awesome.

And then... I'm going to watch some chuck, read some Agatha Christy, maybe shower, take Wicket for a pee, and then I'm going to go to bed.

Beat that Rayme... A play by play of my life and Its damned good eh?

maybe I will skip to chuck first... and...

Best bumper sticker ever.

Driving home from mom and dad's, my brain is tired from a big day of over thinking... as usual. I couldn't held but laugh, when this car cut me off. It was a little silver hatchback. Young girl behind the wheel. I would normally have taken it personally and gotten mad... but she had this for a bumper sticker:

how can you take life seriously after reading something like that?

You can't take what's already yours.

These next 5 minutes are mine Bitches.

Not sharing them with anyone. Don't enter my zone. Don't call, I won't answer. You text? I'm not going to look at it right away. Why? Because this time is mine... and like the blawg says... sometimes we have to say please and thank you... and we can all be ungrateful little bitches. I hear footsteps in the hallway and now my alone time has been interrupted. i'm trying to ignore her. But the perfection of the moment is gone. I'm not alone. I can't pretend.

But I can still have these 5 minutes. I can still have this time that is mine. I don't like to be alone all the time. I don't like to feel lonely. But sometimes I feel so grateful for

peace

quiet

tranquility

rain drops on windows

cars splashing through puddles

the hum of my refrigerator

the tic tic tic of the coffee pot

the sound of my lips pressed against the side of my warm ceramic coffee cup slurping at the delicious mix of fresh coffee and cream

the footsteps have headed back to the bedroom, just a quick glass of water before they crawl back into each others arms. There is no where either of them would rather be. I am jealous of that unconditional desire to be around one another. They haven't left each other's side, and they seem to still enjoy each other's company. I know I'm too independent for that level of affection, but it would be nice to know I could crawl back into bed on this beautifully rainny day, and the bed would be warm and filled with arms to hold me.

I have instead you blawg. a creative outlet. I have my coffee. My laptop. And these 5 minutes.

These have been my minutes. and I have enjoyed every one of them

Thoughts on things.

So.

you can be in a relationship.

you can be in a relationship on facebook.

you can be in a fake relationship.

you can be in a fake relationship on facebook.

you can be in a real relationship, and not be in a relationship on facebook,

You can be friends, and undeclared as in a relationship, but even if its a relationship in real life is it really a real relationship if your not friends on facebook?

Social networking is such a drag.

still counting....

4.5 hours...

6 hours and counting...

It’s 8:25am and I’m ready for bed. He says he’s only doing a half-day… what a cheater.
I only have 6 more hours to go… and believe me, I’m counting every second. I’m tired and cranky… and I’m pretty sure a part of me died last night… you know the part that operates, basic motor function, and thinking. Birthdays are meant for good time. And I did well. I had fun. We both had fun. We all had fun. the birthday boy is still going strong. There were drinking games. Long chat’s on the deck. Good People. Good Times. We went to bed at reasonable hour. The house was still bustling, and we even though we were tired, we didn’t go to sleep right away. We had long talks, like we’d both ingested honesty serum; it was good, straight-truth, no bull-shit. The restless sleep has lead to a restless morning, and here I am ready for a nap. Good thing today is Friday and the expectations are as low as my aspirations. I’m easing into the weekend and all will be well soon enough.

.

Thursday.

Today is Thursday.
Today is not Friday.
I woke up thinking i had all of these Friday things to do.
But no.
Today is Thursday.


Tomorrow is metal night.
Friday is for rocking.

Saturday is Hockey night.
I was the second choice for attending.
The first choice said yes.

Sunday is homework night.


so that leave's Thursday....
Birthday night.
Not mine.
Marks.
he's a dude.
specifically my roommates dude.
And its his birthday today.

But its not Friday.

My vote says Cop Out...

Cop out? Or good opening performance?

Ok, so it’s not often for me that the band I’m really into decides to come to Edmonton, right when I’m really into them. Usually, they go everywhere BUT here and then I see them once I’m already kind of over them…. (context)

So I went to a show last night.
They only have 1 album.
That album only has 9 songs
They were the opening act for a terrible band
But this band is good
I was really excited
Totally into it


The sound was terrible for the first few songs… but the tech got it together by the 4th song… typical EEC. They played a 7 song set. They played well. They didn’t play my favourite song, I was disappointed….

They finished with a cover of War Pig by Black Sabbath.
They played it well.

Here comes the rant.

Why do bands, good bands, insist on finishing with covers? I’m so over it. They put all of this energy into their last song of the set… and its not even their bloody song. Vin defended their action. It really was probably the best song of their set, and it was the song the audience was the most into….

I just found it terribly disappointing.

And he played the guitar for War Pig…. On a Keyboard…. That’s just bad form.


You be the Judge...



vs

I'm not bitter, just bitchin'

Oh I could dwell in the negative:
Like my roomate kept me all night with her moaning....

Or I could look at the positive:
She'll be a much nicer person today that yesterday.



Hmmm. Still didn't get much sleep though.

Roots, bloody roots.

Ah life. you are so sweet, bitter sweet, enjoyable, lovable, cry-able, heartfelt and constantly changing.

I appreciate you.

Last night while enjoying some beverages around the table in celebration of my good friend. I looked at all the familiar faces and I felt blessed.... and a little dumbfounded. If you had told me that this motley crew would be my closest friends 10 years ago... I would have laughed at you, not with you. But here we were, many of us friends since kindergarten, having taken many different paths along the way, only to find ourselves right back where we started.

hmm.

Can I hold your hand while I explode...?

I can't stop the truth.

Why do deep thoughts plague me like an incurable disease?
Why do I need to self-evaluate?
Why do I need to put every little thing under a micro-scope, figure out what’s wrong with it, then try and fix it?
Why do I need to think about the future? Why is it compulsive?
Why can’t I just let life be? Let life tick tick tick along…? Why can’t I just settle into a happy little life on the prairies? No need to worry about tomorrow. Right? No need to think about next week. Right? No need to get all worked up over something that hasn’t happened, probably isn’t going to happen, maybe never will happen. Right?

I have never stayed in one spot for more that two years since I moved out of my parent’s house. I have never held down a job without taking some sort of leave of absence, or extended holiday for longer than 2 years… but that was in high school. I have never settled down. I have always planned for the next adventure. I’ve always moved on, moved up or moved over. I’ve never settled…
This is the longest I have lived anywhere besides the house my parents lived in, in Forest Lawn. This is the longest I’ve been employed straight thru in a real job. This is the longest I’ve gone without an adventure lasting more than a month. This is longest I’ve gone without packing my backpack.

I think I’m going stir crazy. Cabin fever. I can feel my internal engine running. I am loosing it. I’m going to burst.

Am I going to run away?

Or can I stay...................................................................?

Your Jib is useless.

So I walk in the Liquor Store las night and I say's to the guy:

"Hey guy, did you know, I don't even bother with the other Liquor Store"

and guy was like:

"Really? But you said it was closer?"

and I was like:

"Yes, this is true... but I prefer the cut of your Jib."

and he says:

"Jib, you say, well that's nice!"

and then I walked to the fridge and looked inside... and said:

"Excuse me fine sir, but do you have any Alexander Keiths?"

and he said:

"Oh Sorry Doll, we're all out"

And to this I replied...

"I'm a liar...personality don't count for shit, if you ain't got what I'm after. "

hmmm.... welcome to a market economy.

I'm over Lead Zeppelin.

share a memory with me and hit play right now....

I'm over Lead Zeppelin.

I'm over Sublime.

I'm over ACDC.

I still love Gunners.... but I don't want to listen to them.

I'm over Nirvana... seriously over those guys.

I'm sick of the bands from my past. I don't want them on my Ipod. I don't want them anywhere but on someone else's I'pod that I hear sometimes on a road trip, or in a cafe, or on the radio. I'm done. I want something new. I want something fresh. I want to hear things I haven't heard before. These bands have had their time. I don't need to reminisce. They'll come back to me somewhere sometime and I will look back at a time in my life and say 'yeah, that was good.'

Lead Zeppelin will always belong to road tripping with Wingfield. Sublime will be road tripping with Zetto. Gunner's will always belong to the Nullarbor, ACDC to dancing in the rain and Nirvana to the Radio.

New band's belong on the Ipod's, these classics belong to chance. They're special don't get me wrong, but I'm sick of spoiling them with overplaying.

The band that will remind me of right now.. snuggled on the couch with Wicket... on this beautiful fall day... well I'm listening to this song....

Glutton for punish-meant.

Sometimes I miss waitressing.

Its my clutch.

Looking back... I miss getting paid to interact with people. I miss being on my feet. I miss the day going by fast. I miss talking dirty to the kitchen. Shocking the waiters. Lying. Eating good food. Watching people eat good food. Explaining what good food is all about. I miss drinking lots... and no one questioning it. I miss making killer money...whether I deserved was irrelevant. I miss one day slipping into the next, never missing a beat, never worrying about anything, never truly being challenged, but always being busy.

Then I wake up, look at my computer, and get back to getting paid to write shit. Hey look its Friday... and I have the weekend off.

this one's for all those crazy kids who inspire me... even when they're on the other side of the world.

Excuse me, ahem, I have an announcement.

My new get-out-of-jail-free-card.

mmm

Hot. nuff said.

Straight Truthing... it isn't always the answer.

Ok. So I’ve given the blog a rest. Truthfully I’ve been tired, busy, and sick of my own thoughts. Extra truthfully? My dad asked me not to blog. Told me that my generation is open with our personal information and I should keep more of this kind of stuff to myself. Since my blog has been a straight-truth-through-and-through kind blog, I decided to listen; maybe a blog doesn’t have to be so personal. Maybe I’m just not comfortable with that just yet. Maybe that much self-reflection isn’t a good thing.

SO here I am. Decidedly impersonal.

Did you know that people are deeply offended if you discontinue their status as a friend of Fbook? I had no idea until yesterday, how much of a societal faux pas this is. SO I deleted some guy. We aren’t friends. We don’t know each other. I would never hang out with him. Just a friend of a friend of a friend of mine… we chatted briefly on a trip I once took… and I never looked back. He must have thought out friendship was so much more. No word of a lie, I was cleansing my friends list at 10:05 am… by 12:15 I had a text from him inquiring:

“Why did you delete me off facebook?” :(

Now I’m what I would consider to be a generally nice person. I don’t like to like. But truth be told I really wasn’t a fan of this little fella. He was highly inquisitive, generally demanding, moderately offensive, slightly rude, and generally speaking not a person I really wanted to be friends with. Now I don’t think this is a big deal. Not all of us are meant to be friends. Some of us are meant to be acquaintances, some of us are meant to be co-workers, some of us are meant to be polite to each other, and some of us are meant to pass each other on the street oblivious of one another. Now I didn’t want to start a ruckus with this little guy… but I really didn’t want him to get the impression that

A) I was interested in his friendship in any sort of capacity and

B) That his actions that I found rude, offensive, demanding etc were acceptable.

Now I probably should have gotten off my high horse and just ignored this pleading text message for blind affection… but I just couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling in my gut to say something… say anything that would ensure A and B. I also wanted to ensure professionalism to the utmost, and ensure that whatever I said could not be misconstrued as an insult. I was mistaken. Men have sensitive egos and even the most professional statements can leave something for want. I replied:

“As we spent more time together I came to realize that the only thing we have in common is our mutual affection for our mutual friends. I do not, however, feel this necessitates us being Fbook friends. I thank you again for the time we spent together, take care.”

Apparently I was too cold, maybe too curt, maybe I used too big of words, maybe I was too professional, not friendly enough. Either way, his ego was bruised, he was offended, he was hurt, and he started the name calling, his reply was:
“Wow… you’re kind of a jerk.”

Ok, I’m a big girl. I can take that one. I think this demonstrates his immaturity. I think this shows that I’m being the bigger person. Keep in mind, I am still absolutely blown away that deleting someone from facebook warrants this kind of discussion in the first place. Who am I to argue with his feelings? I shouldn’t have said the following, but his reaction spurred a reaction in me and what can I say, my texting finger got the best of me. I replied:

“You and you’re friend proved to be disrespectful, offensive and aggressive towards me. I will refrain from name calling out of respect for our mutual friends. I am still, however, uninterested in pursuing a friendship with you. Take Care.”

I thought this was straight up, honest, sincere. It was in keeping with A and B and in keeping with my moral agenda. I was feeling good with what I wrote. Buuut, you bruise and ego and the reader won’t even read the words… and they see is some bitch who wrote them. So he of course replied:

“Out of respect for our friends!!??! Seriously!?! I will tell them myself that you’re a jerk, cuz you are a… jerk.

PEACE OUT”

And to think, through all of this time, I had no idea that this little guy was an aspiring-wanna-be-rapper-punk. Now I know better than to rebuttal a ‘Peace Out’ but I just wanted to ensure him that I was not trying to hurt his feelings. I was sincerely confused by his reply. I didn’t think I had said anything remotely offensive in my last statement. I thought everything I said was also completely obvious. I mean if you had been there during out last encounter, you could have cut the tension with a knife. I thought he understood that there was no future of friendship between us, but I wanted him to understand I also had no ill-will towards him. So I replied:

“I have no feelings of ill towards you. I thank you again. Take Care”

and the little bastard replied:

“I have no ill feelings towards you either; I just think you’re a jerk. You jerk.” : D

(open face smiley face was included)

Oh well, you can’t win em all I guess. Sometimes the truth isn’t the right way, and sometimes you can be too honest.

Learned my lesson: Never offer an explanation when you delete someone from facebook, especially if they ask for one. If you’ve deleted them, they probably don’t deserve one.

I also do no feel that this picture required an explanation. Its just honest, good ol'fashioned funny.