“Congratulations, neither of you settled...”

How come wedding cards are so lame?

“Congratulations on your special day”

“The two of you were made for each other”

“Wishing you a lifetime of happiness”

Why can't we be a little more honest, a little more sincere, genuine, truthful, beautiful?

1)“Congratulations, neither of you settled...”

2)“I can't wait to get shit-faced with you both, thanks for putting on this rad party!”

3)“I'm not sure what love is, but I like what you got and I'm looking for it”

4)“You looked so hot today, he must be really stoked”

5)“I think you two kids are going to make beautiful babies.”


.... much better.

I guess that's why some cards are blank inside....

Congratulations Lee and Shera, you give tall women and short men hope for the future. Lines 1 through 5 apply to you. But the lame card I got you says “Wishing you a lifetime of happy moments....”

Food whore.

I’m no martyr, just a waitress desperately seeking desk job.

A little corner of my existence, my self-esteem, my sense of purpose, is absorbed by whoring out my soul for tips. Every piece of me becomes unified in the sole purpose of earning more money, selling more booze, selling more food, selling myself. A quick smile here, a wink, a nudge, a free beer, a new pen, a shoulder tap, a firm handshake, the doe eyes…. It’s all a part of the game we play.

I have the power to make you feel important.

I have the power to make you look good.

I have the power to change your night…


You don’t know me. You’ll never know me. Maybe you care
I don’t think you do.

But I’ll be walking away with cash in my pocket, friends in my phone, a drink in my hand, and someone on their way to meet me in ten. The next day I’ll get up, put on my fake smile, the black shirt, the shiny shoes, the apron. I’ll listen to your criticisms, your compliments, your thoughts, your worries, your wants, your needs. I’ll say my spiel. I’ll make your coffee.

I'll smile. I'll play nice and I'll earn my money;

because at the end of the day that’s what it’s s all about.

“I gots to get mine”…

I want that part of me to disappear. I want that part of me to go away.

Far Away. Gone forever. Never to return.

I’m ready to put down my tray, put on my khakis, turn over a new leaf. Nine to five, Seven Thirty to four, Eight O’clock till four thirty…. Acronyms, office banter, questionable practices, fake smiles, fake chat, fake credentials, selling myself, selling my work, selling my time, one day at a time…..

Brutal Metal

Last night I got my Metal on with Bean. Had a wiked time, as I always do, whenever I'm hanging out with her. Her friend Jordan’s band Kataplexis was playing at the Tap House in St. Albert. 1) The crowd was massive and totally into the show. 2) The sound engineering was incredible 3) the Band was SO enthusiastic it rocked my world.

And there you have it. The first three lies I’ve told you bloggy.

Blogsession.

I feel like I can't stop blogging today, and fiddling with this new creation of mine. I didn't know, didn't think about blogs at before, now I'm suffering blogsession.

I'm starting to fall in love with you bloggy.

Some old junk in the trunk.

Last night I had a lovely evening with Miss B. We talked and talked and talked; and when I was finished talking... she talked some more. All of the conversations were mildly controversial. There was a fair bit of gossip about our mutual friend, but overall, it was a pretty chill chat. Until BAM outta nowhere, SHE brings up Coles Bay and the time I had in Tasmania and Sam. Usually, these are not delicate topics for me to discuss; but here she was yabbering on a mile a minute about things I wasn't sure I wanted to discuss.

Then I realized about half way through the conversation that all of this talk of blue skies, beaches and broken hearts wasn't making my palms sweat. This discussion did not leave a hole in the bottom of my stomach, I wasn’t shaking, and I wasn’t zoned out. Instead I felt calm. I felt like I could talk about all of this business without loosing my cool. I felt free. I didn't realize I was fully comfortable looking back, even though I professed to just that yesterday to you bloggy.

Last night she asked me the most controversial question of all. She asked me if Sam was here in Canada would I choose to be with him… a question with so many variables and improbabilities that answering is nearly impossible. But rather than hash out all of the problems in this question, I took it for what she meant it to be, a heart-thinker; and answered her as honestly as I could. I said “I’m happy I’m not in Australia anymore, and I’m happy Sam isn’t here anymore because he wasn’t happy. I don’t think we were right for each other, even though we needed each other for a time. I’m happy we’re not together anymore and I would choose not to be with him, even if he was my next door neighbor. At the end of the day he is a lovely person, and I care for him, and I want us both to be happy; and I don’t think we could ever be happy together.”

Phiew….. deep. I’m sorry blog. It just feels so liberating to throw that out to you. It is 100% true, because today I am straight truthing, I’m too tired to conjure lies. I don’t think Bex was really listening when I said this. She likes to talk and this was far too long of a discussion involving me talking for her to be completely comfortable. I was happy to change the subject, not because I was uncomfortable… but because I was bored with talking about it. The same way I’m bored with talking about it now.

I must admit it feels good to write again, even though it’s just to you bloggy. Next time I’ll try not to go so deep on you bloggy. I’ll try and keep it light, and fill it with lies… but for right now you get the truth. The good stories will come later.

Thinking Back

Its hard not to dream big in cubicle land. Its hard not to look at these temporary beige walls and wonder where I'll be in ten years. Its so easy to get caught up in the routine of living outside these walls.... but inside them at my dest I can't help but think back. Why am I so comfortable in business casual attire?


This time last year my whole world was falling apart. I felt worthless, and completely alone. I was counting the seconds until I could get on that plane, and come home by myself. I was so pre-occupied by my own baggage that I completely lost sight of the fact that I was living in one of the most beautiful places on earth.



Now that I'm in cubicle land I'm happy. I am never alone because I'm only four feet from my neighbor, on all four sides. I've been back for long enough now that I can think back on last year and remember the beach and not the heartache. I will never forget the 'mean' but it doesn't have to be all that I remember. Now I can think in my cubicle of blue oceans and mountains and memories...


Hitchhiking across BC, Skinny dipping in the ocean, riding my bike across Vancouver Island, Bungee Jumping in Whistler, Drinking tea in London with Sariya, Eating Japanese Pizza in Tokyo with Bendan, Having a fashion parade in Kylie's shop with Roz... life is good in cubicle land. I show up everyday at 7:30... and disapear into my thoughts by 7:31.