Roots, bloody roots.

Ah life. you are so sweet, bitter sweet, enjoyable, lovable, cry-able, heartfelt and constantly changing.

I appreciate you.

Last night while enjoying some beverages around the table in celebration of my good friend. I looked at all the familiar faces and I felt blessed.... and a little dumbfounded. If you had told me that this motley crew would be my closest friends 10 years ago... I would have laughed at you, not with you. But here we were, many of us friends since kindergarten, having taken many different paths along the way, only to find ourselves right back where we started.

hmm.

Can I hold your hand while I explode...?

I can't stop the truth.

Why do deep thoughts plague me like an incurable disease?
Why do I need to self-evaluate?
Why do I need to put every little thing under a micro-scope, figure out what’s wrong with it, then try and fix it?
Why do I need to think about the future? Why is it compulsive?
Why can’t I just let life be? Let life tick tick tick along…? Why can’t I just settle into a happy little life on the prairies? No need to worry about tomorrow. Right? No need to think about next week. Right? No need to get all worked up over something that hasn’t happened, probably isn’t going to happen, maybe never will happen. Right?

I have never stayed in one spot for more that two years since I moved out of my parent’s house. I have never held down a job without taking some sort of leave of absence, or extended holiday for longer than 2 years… but that was in high school. I have never settled down. I have always planned for the next adventure. I’ve always moved on, moved up or moved over. I’ve never settled…
This is the longest I have lived anywhere besides the house my parents lived in, in Forest Lawn. This is the longest I’ve been employed straight thru in a real job. This is the longest I’ve gone without an adventure lasting more than a month. This is longest I’ve gone without packing my backpack.

I think I’m going stir crazy. Cabin fever. I can feel my internal engine running. I am loosing it. I’m going to burst.

Am I going to run away?

Or can I stay...................................................................?

Your Jib is useless.

So I walk in the Liquor Store las night and I say's to the guy:

"Hey guy, did you know, I don't even bother with the other Liquor Store"

and guy was like:

"Really? But you said it was closer?"

and I was like:

"Yes, this is true... but I prefer the cut of your Jib."

and he says:

"Jib, you say, well that's nice!"

and then I walked to the fridge and looked inside... and said:

"Excuse me fine sir, but do you have any Alexander Keiths?"

and he said:

"Oh Sorry Doll, we're all out"

And to this I replied...

"I'm a liar...personality don't count for shit, if you ain't got what I'm after. "

hmmm.... welcome to a market economy.

I'm over Lead Zeppelin.

share a memory with me and hit play right now....

I'm over Lead Zeppelin.

I'm over Sublime.

I'm over ACDC.

I still love Gunners.... but I don't want to listen to them.

I'm over Nirvana... seriously over those guys.

I'm sick of the bands from my past. I don't want them on my Ipod. I don't want them anywhere but on someone else's I'pod that I hear sometimes on a road trip, or in a cafe, or on the radio. I'm done. I want something new. I want something fresh. I want to hear things I haven't heard before. These bands have had their time. I don't need to reminisce. They'll come back to me somewhere sometime and I will look back at a time in my life and say 'yeah, that was good.'

Lead Zeppelin will always belong to road tripping with Wingfield. Sublime will be road tripping with Zetto. Gunner's will always belong to the Nullarbor, ACDC to dancing in the rain and Nirvana to the Radio.

New band's belong on the Ipod's, these classics belong to chance. They're special don't get me wrong, but I'm sick of spoiling them with overplaying.

The band that will remind me of right now.. snuggled on the couch with Wicket... on this beautiful fall day... well I'm listening to this song....

Glutton for punish-meant.

Sometimes I miss waitressing.

Its my clutch.

Looking back... I miss getting paid to interact with people. I miss being on my feet. I miss the day going by fast. I miss talking dirty to the kitchen. Shocking the waiters. Lying. Eating good food. Watching people eat good food. Explaining what good food is all about. I miss drinking lots... and no one questioning it. I miss making killer money...whether I deserved was irrelevant. I miss one day slipping into the next, never missing a beat, never worrying about anything, never truly being challenged, but always being busy.

Then I wake up, look at my computer, and get back to getting paid to write shit. Hey look its Friday... and I have the weekend off.

this one's for all those crazy kids who inspire me... even when they're on the other side of the world.

Excuse me, ahem, I have an announcement.

My new get-out-of-jail-free-card.

mmm

Hot. nuff said.

Straight Truthing... it isn't always the answer.

Ok. So I’ve given the blog a rest. Truthfully I’ve been tired, busy, and sick of my own thoughts. Extra truthfully? My dad asked me not to blog. Told me that my generation is open with our personal information and I should keep more of this kind of stuff to myself. Since my blog has been a straight-truth-through-and-through kind blog, I decided to listen; maybe a blog doesn’t have to be so personal. Maybe I’m just not comfortable with that just yet. Maybe that much self-reflection isn’t a good thing.

SO here I am. Decidedly impersonal.

Did you know that people are deeply offended if you discontinue their status as a friend of Fbook? I had no idea until yesterday, how much of a societal faux pas this is. SO I deleted some guy. We aren’t friends. We don’t know each other. I would never hang out with him. Just a friend of a friend of a friend of mine… we chatted briefly on a trip I once took… and I never looked back. He must have thought out friendship was so much more. No word of a lie, I was cleansing my friends list at 10:05 am… by 12:15 I had a text from him inquiring:

“Why did you delete me off facebook?” :(

Now I’m what I would consider to be a generally nice person. I don’t like to like. But truth be told I really wasn’t a fan of this little fella. He was highly inquisitive, generally demanding, moderately offensive, slightly rude, and generally speaking not a person I really wanted to be friends with. Now I don’t think this is a big deal. Not all of us are meant to be friends. Some of us are meant to be acquaintances, some of us are meant to be co-workers, some of us are meant to be polite to each other, and some of us are meant to pass each other on the street oblivious of one another. Now I didn’t want to start a ruckus with this little guy… but I really didn’t want him to get the impression that

A) I was interested in his friendship in any sort of capacity and

B) That his actions that I found rude, offensive, demanding etc were acceptable.

Now I probably should have gotten off my high horse and just ignored this pleading text message for blind affection… but I just couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling in my gut to say something… say anything that would ensure A and B. I also wanted to ensure professionalism to the utmost, and ensure that whatever I said could not be misconstrued as an insult. I was mistaken. Men have sensitive egos and even the most professional statements can leave something for want. I replied:

“As we spent more time together I came to realize that the only thing we have in common is our mutual affection for our mutual friends. I do not, however, feel this necessitates us being Fbook friends. I thank you again for the time we spent together, take care.”

Apparently I was too cold, maybe too curt, maybe I used too big of words, maybe I was too professional, not friendly enough. Either way, his ego was bruised, he was offended, he was hurt, and he started the name calling, his reply was:
“Wow… you’re kind of a jerk.”

Ok, I’m a big girl. I can take that one. I think this demonstrates his immaturity. I think this shows that I’m being the bigger person. Keep in mind, I am still absolutely blown away that deleting someone from facebook warrants this kind of discussion in the first place. Who am I to argue with his feelings? I shouldn’t have said the following, but his reaction spurred a reaction in me and what can I say, my texting finger got the best of me. I replied:

“You and you’re friend proved to be disrespectful, offensive and aggressive towards me. I will refrain from name calling out of respect for our mutual friends. I am still, however, uninterested in pursuing a friendship with you. Take Care.”

I thought this was straight up, honest, sincere. It was in keeping with A and B and in keeping with my moral agenda. I was feeling good with what I wrote. Buuut, you bruise and ego and the reader won’t even read the words… and they see is some bitch who wrote them. So he of course replied:

“Out of respect for our friends!!??! Seriously!?! I will tell them myself that you’re a jerk, cuz you are a… jerk.

PEACE OUT”

And to think, through all of this time, I had no idea that this little guy was an aspiring-wanna-be-rapper-punk. Now I know better than to rebuttal a ‘Peace Out’ but I just wanted to ensure him that I was not trying to hurt his feelings. I was sincerely confused by his reply. I didn’t think I had said anything remotely offensive in my last statement. I thought everything I said was also completely obvious. I mean if you had been there during out last encounter, you could have cut the tension with a knife. I thought he understood that there was no future of friendship between us, but I wanted him to understand I also had no ill-will towards him. So I replied:

“I have no feelings of ill towards you. I thank you again. Take Care”

and the little bastard replied:

“I have no ill feelings towards you either; I just think you’re a jerk. You jerk.” : D

(open face smiley face was included)

Oh well, you can’t win em all I guess. Sometimes the truth isn’t the right way, and sometimes you can be too honest.

Learned my lesson: Never offer an explanation when you delete someone from facebook, especially if they ask for one. If you’ve deleted them, they probably don’t deserve one.

I also do no feel that this picture required an explanation. Its just honest, good ol'fashioned funny.