Learning to love the ride...

My house is a mess. I have homework. I have to clean and vacuum the condo. I should fix up the garden. I should empty the planters. I should tidy my room, do laundry, empty the dishwasher, clean the bathroom. I should read that book for history class. I should print out the notes for school on Monday. I should make the dahl I keep promising myself for lunches next week. I should do the banking, transfer the funds. I should take wicket for another walk. I should be outside enjoying the sunshine... the last day of summer... it really feels like fall.

I love autumn. I've chosen instead of doing all of these things to sit on my patio, and watch the leaves fall for a little while. The rest can wait for another day. The only one it all affects is me... and I can live without it. I love sitting here, on the patio furniture I finally paid off on my credit card. Enjoying the sunshine, the blue skies, the rustling of the leaves. I love how wicket is curled up just inside the door. He doesn't want to be outside, but he wants to be near me. I just grabbed him and forced him into some family time.

Maybe its the hangover... maybe its the years of travelling... but its nice to be home. Its nice to have the calmness of the season wash over me, and not be leaving. So often when the seasons have started to change, its meant there's a shift in the way I am, what I'm doing, where I'm going. This time I'm here. I'm home. A calm settles over me as I relax and melt into the moment.

Today is a good day. It reminds me of my life in Coles Bay. The life where everything happens at a much slower pace than anywhere else. A plan is never a definite plan on the East Coast. Its always relative. Anything that 'should' be done today, can always be done tomorrow. Anything that has to get done now, can always get done later. I miss that life sometimes. I miss those moments. Here it seems like I have to force my body into submission before I can enjoy the moment. Wicket helps. He helps me stay comfortable at home, gives me a sense of purpose, when I feel like I should leave and 'do' something, he reminds me that I'm needed right where I am. I've never been loved absolutely unconditionally before. I mean of course by my parents and my bro, but this little guy's different, he needs me and loves me more than anyone else on this entire planet. That's saying something.

Today as this relaxing calm sweeps over me, I'm reminded that the wild-child within is bubbling to the surface. The line 'the calm before the storm' always pertains to me. I've been trying to keep her at bay by giving her peeks out more often, but I never know with her. She gets scared and takes it to the next level. The party-animal side of me will never go away. And you know, I don't want her to. I like that side of me, I just hate loosing the rest of me whenever she bubbles to the surface. I think I can keep myself in check though.

I mean life's good, and sometimes life gets crazy. Crazy's good as long as crazy doesn't turn into scary.

I'm not scared anymore. So life is crazy good?

As long as I learn to love the ride.