Closed for business.

Shutting down for the season.

Maybe forever.

I'm going to take some time to decide.

If I come back.

I guess you'll know.

Tomorrow I'm getting on a jet plane.

No looking back.

Quote of the night: "Its not that I have low standards, its just that...."

Life.
Hmmm.

yep its better with beer.


Saturday, as you read. I was chillin with Wick's, drinking red, relaxin'.
Got the call... UFC, beers and bitches?
How could a girl like me say no?

It was controvercial night.
Car Bombs.
Old Dudes.
Canadian pride.
Burt Renolds.
Low standards....
And the Hobbit killed a hooker.

Eventually we ended up at my house. There was some puking and some sleeping... and one hella disapointed pizza lady. Rockstars.

Urban Dictionary
Low Standards: When you wll accept dating a person even though you know they arent very attractive and you only take that person because you know thats the best you can get and if one of those people have the disorder its most likley they both have it.

boo ya!

Tonight has been glorious.

I have a fake fire... aka, fireplace filled with lit candles.

A clean home.

A cute snuggly little pup at my side.

A clean mind.

No homework.

No plans.

And... a glass of red in my hand.

Happy Holidays to me!

101.

I'm having trouble keeping on task today. Hours on Facebook, Snuggles with Wicket, blawg, blawg blawg....

My brain has decided we're done. No more room for learning, no more time for writing.

I'm not bitching... I'm just over it.

I had a really nice night last night, one without bull-shit. I had a really good day yesterday, I got a lot done, and I feel pretty good

Today, I slept in. I shoveled. Realized I got a parking ticket yesterday. Had computer problems. Had a presentation.... and now. well now I'm in the middle of a 24hr take-home exam on Western Canadian History....

AND all I can think about is going snowboarding, going for a beer, seeing my friends, swimming in the ocean, feeling the thrill of takoff and landing.

I want to have to open road ahead of me. I want to wind at my back and beer in my face and I DO NOT want to write a paper on Western Canadian History....

But alas here I am 533 words deep, with at least 1500 more to go.

over it, and for some strange reason....craving a corn dog really bad.

There is no such thing as normal.

today was a day like most.

should be.

it was without looming deadlines.

it was without study.

i still got lots of work done.

work i get paid to do.

the A's will feel great... pay checks also feel great.

i am ready for a holiday.

ready to dream of being independently wealthy.

ready to snowboard.

ready to drink beer.

ready to party my face off.

ready to hang with the Wick-mister.

ready to be done for a month.

ready to head to BC......

The day after tomorrow I'll be all done, and a week today I'll be on the other side of the provincial boundary.

Grab me a beer, I'm almost on my way...

What is the difference between 4th and 5th place?

i am so tired.

so uninspired.

i can hardly see.

hardly move.

like the atmosphere is no longer air.

like the atmosphere is thick.

like pea soup.

i am swimming in a sea of pea soup.

everything is difficult.

i loose hope.

i need inspiration sometimes.

sometimes i need help.

sometimes its all just a little too much.

i remember watching this race.

i remember sitting in my parents basement in 1997

watching this on television most of the afternoon.

my grandparents were in town.

i remember crying my eyes out.

just like i'm doing now.

this is it.

this is the most inspiring thing i've ever watched.

and sometimes, it makes me realize, what i'm going through is tough. but it will be ok. i'll be ok. it might get emotional. it might get messy. i may need help.

but they did it.

just because they wanted to:

Fucking Chicks.

So he says to me,


"I met this girl, you know the one who I said I was going on a date with, you know the other night when I said I couldn't go for beers?"

I said:

"Ok"


and he was like....

"Well you see. We went on a date. Everything was great. Everything was nice, and fun... and you know she was pretty quiet... but whatever. Then, fuck....
Let me be honest here.
She's Fuckin' terrible in bed."

so I said:

"Oh, Ok."

and he was like....

"Well what's the rule? What do I do. She's not a bad girl. She's not a bad person. She's just really terrible in bed and I never want to sleep with her again."

(at this point I just nodded)

and he was like....

"Well?"

(at this point i realized I was actually supposed to respond to this)

so I said:

"I don't think you have to call her if you don't want to. I mean you're obviously not interested in the girl and she's not a bad person, so i wouldn't worry about it. Why are you even asking me this anyway?"

and he was like...

"Well your a chick."



thanks. Every once and a while its nice to be reminded that I represent the opinions of an entire population.

Weathering the Storm.... grace? N/A

My eyes are glazed over.
I’m having trouble keeping my head up.
If I was submerged in water, I would drown, but I strangely feel like I’m submerged in gravy, like I can’t move very quickly, but everything around me is moving very fast.

I am in the eye of the storm.
No time to breathe.
No time to think.

But here I am.

kicking the ass out of this storm. for now... And as long as it doesn’t blow me over the edge, we’ll all be ok. I picture myself as the cow, caught in the tornado in the Wizard of Oz. I’ll be fine. Look’y me I’m still Mooooing. No power to do anything, except voice my complaints. And still, I’m flying away… who knows where I’ll land.

I aced everything I handed in yesterday, and I plan on acing everything I hand in today, and tomorrow, and Thursday and Tuesday, and….
I sell confidence and results.

But like the cow in the tornado, my success in life is entirely dependent on where I land. It’s a perilous journey and the only thing I have control over is my reaction. I pray I take this storm and ride it all the way to Vancouver Island, landing in the freezing cold pacific. Miss French will yank me from the water, Mags will grab me a towel, and K will pour me a beer. All I know for certain, is the storm is far from finished, and I know when it will end. Watch out world, in thirteen days, two hours and forty-two minutes this girl will be free. The storm will be behind me, and hopefully I landed somewhere safe, unbroken.

Until then, if you see me, hug me, offer me food and candy, and please don’t be mad at me if I bite, it’s not you… it’s the storm.

And in 13 days, two hours and forty-two minutes, please don’t judge me if I drink too much, or make an ass out of myself… I'll be celebrating life, and the ability to have one.

Green with envy.

She came home...

and now she's gone.

She's having fun in the Big Easy. Eating Crawfish, Jambalya, Red Beans and Rice. Listening to Jazz. Drinking her face off. Down by the water. Watching the world sink.

I'm happy for her.

But I'm also very very very very jealous.

Harper, keep on harping on.

My life for the past 24 hours has revolved around this article.

CBC News, “Killed climate change bill flawed: Harper,” November 17, 2010,

http://www.cbc.ca/politics/story/2010/11/17/senate-climate-bill.html, accessed on November 20, 2010.

Now I lay me down to sleep

Everything can be examined in isolation,

but nothing exists in isolation.

We are all a part of a system.


We are all in this together.
No matter how much we try and separate ourselves from it all.
We are what we eat.
We are what we do.
We are who we want to be.
Our actions speak louder.
Our inactions speak loudest.

Electricity through my fingers, one word at a time.

For a while now, I've felt numb.







I don't feel numb today.

I don't know what the answers are,
I don't know how to make life work.

But its pretty nice to wake up and feel alive.
Electricity is running through my fingers, my stomach is doing flippy floppys, my head is clear, my thoughts are positive.

For the first time in a while I actually think I can get it all done.
I think I can make it.
Sometimes, you have to be selfish and you have to let yourself take what you want. Sometimes, you have to roll over and miss your bus.
Sometimes, you have to just stop avoiding the world, and just start typing.

One word at a time, it will all get done one word at a time.

Life is supposed to be Silly.

Last night, I went out. I was irresponsible. I'm not meant for being a hermit. Maybe I am. No more rules. Are you dancing yet? Watch this:



Anytime you want to feel good.
Stop
Everything.

Life is too short to get all serious and not have a good time.


Wise Words Mr. Stephensen.... Wise words.

Use your Vagina to make a difference...

"Buy the ticket, take the ride" - Hunter S. Thompson

Last night I shouldn't have left.
I was happy.
I was safe.
I was looking for adventure.
I was hoping to catch a break.
I was hoping life could be better.

I wanted fun. i wanted excitement. I needed a new zone a new life and new... something, and I juuust couldn't put my finger on it.

I should have stayed right where I was.
Instead I left.
Was disappointed.


But then I think back to the time, I was going to stay in my room. I wasn't going to go out. I wanted to just have a night to chill, and I was so poor anyway. And then I forced myself to leave the house, and an adventure struck me right between the eyes, and I had the time of my life. That night lead me to touring with a band all around the lower mainland, making friends, lovers, kicking ass and taking names. I never want my life to be without these adventures... So I think back on this morning. Yes.... I probably should have just stayed, but the day wasn't bad. In fact, its been pretty fucking awesome. So.

lets do it all over again. lets make some mistakes. lets get off our ass. move on to the next adventure. Because...

If you stop looking, the adventures well they just stop coming.

You wear the pants, I wear the pants, WHO WEARS THE APRON?

What is food anyway? Is it vegetables? Meat? Chickens? Eggs? Cheese? Cheese spread? Wonder bread? Booster Juice? Starbucks? Tim Horton’s? Fructose? Sucrose? Modified corn syrup? Where does real food end and fake food begin?

I am currently reading In Defense of Food: an Eaters Manifesto by Michael Pollan, and he asks this very question: What is food? He argues that our personal heath cannot be divorced from the health of the food chains of which we are a part.

I am willing to open my eyes and look at what I put in my mouth.

I am willing to go into the supermarket in January and not expect vine ripened tomatoes.

I will no longer order the asparagus spears in October.

I will look at where my food comes from before I buy it, and I will let this fact sway my decisions.

I will try harder to eat real food.

I will try to cook. I will try to cook. I will try too cook.

If only I could get over my aversion to domesticity and take a turn in the apron of life. If only I could get over this hump, turn on the broiler and make the world a better place one meal at a time. Instead I eat chicken wings, drink beer, order pizza, drink coffee…..







Maybe less chicken now...

Not Such a Pretty Girl.

Today I needed to take 5.
Remember who I am.
Remember why I'm here.

Today I needed to take 5.
Think a little deeper.
Think a little more.

Remember what I'm doing.

I don't need someone to tell me I'm smart.
I don't need someone to tell me I'm beautiful.
I don't need someone to hold my hand and tell me 'everything will be just fine'

What I do need is to remember, that I am smart and I am beautiful, and no matter what anyone else thinks or does, I'm going to make it, I'm going to be ok.

I need to remember to tell myself this everyday.

I am Smart.... I am Beautiful...

Nothing is as it seems. Everything is Rainbows.

It all started with an extra 100 km's, a case of beer, my friends Skid, Col and Charlie. We picked up a 12 pack of Keiths in Drumheller, and Skid took the wheel. I'd been thirsty all day, and that first cold one went down a treat, then came the second and then the third. By then I didn't give a shit when we got to Kowtown, I just knew I was up for all the adventures that lay before me, and nothing was going to slow me down. We made it in in good time, even sober Skid was starting to get into the groove. Some rocking tunes, some good vibes, nothing could kill this buzz.



We get into the hotel just in time. The crew is heading for food, and the beers were in the cooler. The restaurant was occupied, and unwelcome, so we made our way back to the room after a couple shots and some random pizza in hand. The world was open to whatever came before us. Little did I know we were in the eye of the storm and there was noting to prevent us from getting sucked into the vortex that would be party AJ and Charlie. There were pillow fights and laying in beds, and serious conversations and light moments of bliss and enough bull shit to tip the Calgary tower. And still we ventured deeper and further into the abyss.



One by one everyone moved over, or up and onward. Soon enough there were only four of us left, AJ, Col, Me and Charlie. I was up I was down i was spun like a top, i was everywhere and anywhere and I was nothing like me, i was nothing like you, we were all lost in each other's company. The drinks were flowing as well as the conversation and the next thing you know the sun was rising in the distance, and I was crawling into my warm bed. Sleep never came that morning, but shopping came that afternoon, the boys looked dapper the girls look gorgeous and all was right with the world. AJ wanted us to be the rockstars we were and took us on a Limo ride.

Charlie took the prime seat with all of us behind him and the next thing you know we're out on the town without a care in the world. The night never ended and the conversation flowed once again with the drinks. Everyone was kepping on keeping up and once in the end there were 5. Skid stayed on this night, the conversation kept him going along with the white russians. I couldn't make it this time, Skid took my place at the conversation table and I drifted off the sleep on the couch. I made my way to bed, and slept until 7:30 am, when I woke up to silence.
I sunk back into my nice warm bed. I couldn't sleep a wink after that...

The drive up was nice, it was calm, it was real, it was fun and it was chill. Breakfast in red deer was all we could hope for an wicket in my bed while I slept at 8:00 pm that evening was all I could ask for. It was an epic weekend of epic proportions filled with epic awesomeness and that in the end is all you can ask for when you share a b-day with a rad gal and some awesome friends. We rocked Kowtown. and I will never be the same.

Let them eat cake.

I've had a couple exceptional birthdays, but I’ve also had a few awful ones. It’s a real inconsistent day, a day I generally try to avoid. This is relationship number two in a row that has ended the week before my birthday. It must be the season, or it must be me in the season, or maybe it’s just me or maybe its just chance… Regardless of the cause I’m newly single for another birthday and I thought I would just want to avoid the whole thing.

Instead, I had some really amazing friends come out of the woodwork. I already talked about Shmel and C. and Spoon and Dan... well last night made for a beautiful evening of re-hashing our very early past and our present and future with a couple of friends I've had since elementary school. We drank wine, we shared stories, we broke bread. Its the way it should be and it was exactly how I wanted to spend the day. After dinner we went back for a movie night and some more quality time, me and Bean.

Get him to the Greek. Loved it!

When I originally wrote this post I was on a negative train of thought. Thinking about the worst birthdays I've had... and then I forced myself to look at some of the best.

One year a very caring boy – friend made me a chocolate cake with boiled vanilla icing and it was delicious. That was really nice.

One year a boyfriend made me breakfast and it was awesome, unfortunately he left me the dishes.

One year a boyfriend booked me into a day at the spa. He didn’t pay for it, just booked it and I was left with a 300$ tab, scrambling for cash at the end. It wasn’t as relaxing as it should have been.

One year a boyfriend urinated all over my computer the night of my birthday. I suppose the saving grace was he didn’t wet the bed, and my computer was fine.

One year a boy broke up with me a week before my birthday, but my present was already in the mail, and it was a really thoughtful present. That was nice….ish.

One year a friend of mine got another friend of mine to give me a strip show and he took it really seriously and then we all went out and played trivia and drank beer. That was nice.

One year a group of my friends had a spontaneous underwear party in a hotel room and beat each other with a leather belt. Hmm… yep, true story.

One year a friend of mine threw a keg party for me and made me party, even though I didn’t feel like it. And it was awesome.

One year my friends and I all bought take-out curry and talked all night. There love mended my broken heart.

One year all I wanted to do was go tobogganing for my birthday and it snowed the night before. So all my friends and I could go to snake hill and ride.

One year my dad and I went skiing. That was the best.

One year I was in Australia for my birthday and a cougar made me a cake and we celebrated and had an awesome time, and then I got on a plane and made my way to Canada and it was my birthday all over again because of the time change.

One year Dad and I had an 80’s party. I went as Siouxsie Sioux; we drank beer and played rockband. It was epic!

This year I got taco's at on the rocks, beers at Hudson's aaand at Rosario's, I got a basketball game with my dad, dinner at my parents, dinner out with my parents, and drinks and great company at 4th and Vine.... not too shabby.

So, what I’m getting at is, yep, my birthdays are inconsistent and I can’t ever figure them out and you know what? It doesn’t really matter. Some are good. Some are bad. Sometimes I’m single, sometimes I’m not, but being one or the other has absolutely no bearing on it turning out.

There are some consistencies, and they are the best. Some great friends, my family, sharing a b-day with my pop, beer and lots of love. and cake. There’s always cake.

I'm not listening...lalalalalalalalala.

Thank you for making my smile Mr. Pierce:
Work: is poop when it starts. its poop for your head. poop for your fragile self esteem. poop poop poop.
Cleaning my room: is poop when it starts. its poop for your head. poop for your fragile self esteem. poop poop poop.
Doing Laundry: is poop when it starts. its poop for your head. poop for your fragile self esteem. poop poop poop.

... it was meant to be talking about a 95$ headband... but the applications are endless.

She kissed me goodbye as she walked out the door.

Yesterday was my birthday. I’m going to keep celebrating it today, and tomorrow, and the day after that and the whole weekend, because I love Epic parties like that. I hide myself for a while, only to explode for a week and then I become a hermit again. It’s a routine. Is it possible to have a binge partying routine? Meinh, don’t care, it’s my reality.

My birthday went a little like this:
Sleep, Walk Wicket, School, Beer, Walk Wicket, Beer, Tacos, Text, Beer, Walk Wicket, Sleep.

Mixed in with all of this were some of my beautiful friends, and plenty of phone calls and text messages to wish me a happy day. The friends who called and came out last night were not necessarily who I expected, but they are genuine and heartfelt and they made me feel special.

I got an offer to take my job back at the restaurant… that was nice. He said I could work Fridays and Saturdays, and I wouldn’t have to work Sundays. It’s a fair deal, and at this point… once I start hibernating again… it might be good to get some extra cash flow. I’ll think about it though…. I’ll think about it. I got to hang with Spooner, just like it was January all over again. I got to do shooters with Dan… Jagger, my friend. I miss them all very much, a social dynamic with a paycheque, getting paid to chit chat.

Interestingly, Shmelly’s babe royally called me out on my shit last night. It was tough to hear, completely valid, but still tough to hear. I’m always picking up and taking off, next trip, next adventure, and next place to move, next career move, next and next and next and next. Always moving always running away, that’s me, always on the move, but not really going anywhere. One step forward 4 steps back.

Grow the fuck up he says… and she was like you can’t say that, but then she said pretty much the same thing, just in a nicer way. I have a serious commitment problem. I can’t commit to a town, I can’t commit to a job, I can’t commit to a guy, I can’t commit to a routine.

But then I realize I have to stop being so hard on myself. It’s a one day at a time thing.
Right?

Either way it was a night for growing, of chatting, of day dreaming. It’s not the night I thought I would get a couple weeks ago, but it was still nice. Now today is for:
Hung-over revelations, sitting in cubicle land, dreaming of snow, avoiding work, wondering where the next adventure will bring me, I can’t help but think of bigger and better, Why? Because I’m bored as fuck.

THE BIG QUESTION:

If you drop a penny, is it considered littering?

Movember inspiration.

It's time to let yourself go, take a turn for the chill, warm your baby face... and yes, grow a moustache. Here are a few of my favorites to keep you inspired.

Enjoy Movember gentlemen, and ladies, don't worry it only lasts a month.


















L.

Its only Sunday.

AH life...
I've opted to stay home today. A novelty at this point really. Every night this week I've ended up in St. Albert. Tonight is for Edmonton... oh wait... I'm going to St. Albert tonight to watch a movie with B. alas... I should just move back. I don't mind the drive now, the construction on the trail has settled down a bit, and my road rage is giving way to patience (most of the time) and well... I kinda like it there. weird.

Last night was Daddy daughter date night. We went for beers, watched some quality U of A basketball and then went home and bugged mom who was watching a terrible Burt Renolds/Tobby Keith country music movie of the week. She let us make fun... It is our birthday week after all.

Its awesome to share a birthday with my dad. Its just one more thing to bring us together. We laugh all week about wishing each other happy birthday and we totally drag out the celebrations. Like this week we're not having our birthday dinner until Thursday... which means I get to have birthday drinks on Tuesday, and Wednesday and then Dinner on Thursday.... Life isn't so bad, being surrounded by friends and family is awesome.

today was for sleeping and writing and reading. It also should have been for homework.. but that will catch up with me soon enough. Mostly life is just a countdown... waiting for this school to end so I can really begin.

Does anyone know anything about Public Relations? I'm thinking of registering in this program. I want to do something different. Law School seems like a pipe dream with my 3.4 and absolute lack of desire to be in school for another 3 years... but Communications...I like communicating. We'll see... I think its only a matter of time before I ditch the real world and head back to the snow.

How do you like them apples?

Could I flip flop anymore in one page?

Open your eyes... Everything in life's for sale.

Woke up to Coldplay ringing in my ear.
The smell of cigarettes, cheap rye and instant coffee.
My pants off, dignity intact.
Home alone. No pooch to comfort me.
That was this morning.

Tonight....
well at least tonight I'm listening to better music.

And Wicket's here.

Just behind the corner...

Ouuu my last Friday at 26…
Birthdays are always a time for change for me. Time to turn over a new leaf, time to make some new friends, or time to find the friends I’ve lost over the years. It’s been a HUGE year this time around. So much has happened…

So many new beginnings
So many fresh starts, fresh mind, fresh tracks
So many heat beats, heart aches, heart breaks
New love, old love, lost love, puppy love….

And all the while life just keeps ticking along, work keeps piling up, beers keep flowing, friends keep calling, meals get eaten, homework gets done, and things get accomplished.

This year I will graduate, and loose the obligation to get this thing I’m in, done. I’ll be able to relax, if I choose, and settle into a life. Any life. Funny how I still think I’ll choose this one.

Not out of fear
Not out of regret
Not out of lack of experience
Not for lack of choice

I feel more settled now than I have ever felt. More comfortable:

in my mind
in my body
in my home
in my soul

Maybe it’s the age talking, maybe it’s the vodka (just kidding), maybe it’s just time I learned to be myself. But anyway, I like it, like me. I like where I’m at and I’m stoked to put another X on my Calendar and enjoy my last Friday of 26. I don’t think much more can change, but hey… I thought that last year too.

Where the fuck is Weetah Tasmania?

It came up in the feedjit. I'm just asking.

UN debate. done.
Hanging out with family. done.
Walking the pooch. Done. Done.
Eating popcorn and watching the best show ever while sipping on a nice cold one....

Freedom to talk about 'you know what....'

Freedom of expression
Freedom to bear arms
Freedom of the press
Freedom of Religion
Freedom from Communism…
Free Market Economy…

Just not freedom to Masturbate?

Thank goodness this lady didn’t make it, next thing you know we’d all be accused of participating in heathen worship.

Or Worse… We might go BLIND.

And in the right corner wearing the green shorts weighing in at a mere 1.6% of the worlds Co2 emissions is Australia

We are proudly representing Australia in out Mock UN Framework Conference on Climate Change. The more I research Australia's position on Climate Change, the more I think Kevin Rudd is a stand up guy. What gives Australia, why didn't you like him? What's up with that Ms. Gillard, why did you have to steal the Prime spot from him...?
Don't worry Ms. G. I still like ya. You seem hard as nails, a no bull kinda broad. But we'll see how you do next month...
Either way... The more I research international agreements to mitigate Climate Change... the more I'm liking that I got Australia, and I'm pretty grateful I didn't get Canada.

I love this country, and I love living in this country, but I wouldn't want to be the one talking about Canada's Climate Change action plan... to an empty room.

Wish us luck tomorrow. Its debate time.

the girl no longer, L Dot perhaps?

In french there's a saying 'metro boulot dodo'
its all about the everyday grind of using the train, going to work and sleeping. This seems like my life more and more. day in day out, day in day out, day in day out. The routine is comforting, and scary, no more world travling for this little chicken. Too busy day in day out, day in day out...
I recieved confirmation today that I will be able to graduate in the spring. I will be free. What will I do? Will I stay? or Will I go? In just a few months, the world will be my oyster again. I will have an education, life experience, career possibilites, options... How will it all work out? Sometimes the world seems so open, sometimes life seems so full of choices, sometimes life seems like

Metro boulot do do.

Smackdown.

So, I went to the scotsman's and he found another excuse to wear his KAPOW underpants and his WWE heavy weight championship belt.

I left before the hula hooping.

Wicket came.

He broke hearts and took names.

I took no pictures.

Maybe I'll get tagged in facebook

Home by 10pm...

I'm resting Sarah. I'm resting up for our A game weekend in Calgary. In the meantime.... Lame.

Yeah, sure, 1 more jug.

One of the best parts of being in Edmonton is hanging out with my Dad.

We sink pints. We bull shit. He gives me advice. I take it. I give him advice... he pretends not to take it. But at the end of the day, we really love each other, and we love hanging out with each other... and isn't that great?

He loves to party with me and my friends and they all know it.

And you'll never got thirsty at his house, and you'll never go hungry with Momma B in the picture.

Today we went for pints.

We drink jugs.

Keiths.

He says to me, you know Lesley, Love isn't difficult. Should be the simplest thing on the planet really. Its about two people who like each other and have fun together and are willing to share some responsibilities.

Simple.

All Hallow's Eve.

I've been in hiding since Monday. I haven't left the house unless I've had to... and when I have had to leave, I've only gone to four safe places:

1) Work

2) School

3) Rosario's

4) the Yoga studio

The first two I didn't really have much choice, and the third is the only place where I feel ok walking in, looking like shit, sitting down, having a beer, and no one asks any questions. Its my pub, and if you don't have a pub of your own, you should get one. But not mine. I don't like to run into people I know. At least not yet.

Ironically following the third is the fourth. A new hot yoga studio on the west side on central that keeps me not thinking because I'm too busy figuring out how to breathe. I almost vomited the first class, but I think today's class will be better.

The pooch has been pretty stoked with all of the alone time we've been having. Me lost in endless paper work and thoughts on things that there is no need to think about; Him snuggled next to me, happy and safe and loved.

Sssssssssslllllllllllllooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggg

down the pace.... its been nice, its been necessary.

Tonight is halloween. Boo.

I don't feel too much like doing anything. I don't have a costume. I don't have a plan. I don't have a date. But I did get a call from an unlikely friend. Looks like he's having a small gathering people at his place (although he labeled it a 'party'). He asked me to bring myself and my A game. How can I say no? I should get out of the house. And to be honest its the only offer i got....I want to dress up like something dead. Maybe a zombie?I wonder if he'll dress up like a Mexican wrestler again and dazzle the crowd with his mad hula hooping skills.... mmm

might be part of the reason he's having trouble getting people to attend..hahaha.

Keeping with the times

Is there such a thing as an appropriate 'work' costume? I understand that it is casual friday after all... but some people.
I wish I had an Iphone so I could have been sneeky and snapped some pics... but I don't.

But there was a 250 pound woman dressed as a sexy kitty cat at starbucks.
A 40 year old pirate wench in line at the bank, wearing fishnets and hooker boots. and a corset.... shiver up spine.
and a geriatric sexy - nurse... litteraly, this nurse was old, too old to be wearing fishnets anyway... borderline retirement!!

Maybe its that costumes in general have gotten grossly inapropriate....

I do however think, if you can add sexy to the front of your costume idea, then it might not be right for work. Just saying.

Is cheesecake a vegetable

My roommates boyfriend cooked diner last night and I was lucky enough to get 'stuck' with the leftovers. So, as I sit here devouring a plate of Salmon Alfredo made with cream, loaded with complex carbohydrates and dripping with oil; I am drawn back to a conversation I had with Bean this morning while sipping chai after our hot yoga class...

She was letting me know about her decision to try fasting. Cleansing and holistic health are an enormous part of her life and to her fasting is a natural progression into a deeper understanding of her personal health. So she's working herself up gently to this cleanse and the first step for her is less coffee, no meat, no complex carbohydrates and more veggies. The second step is no sugar, no coffee, no meat, only whole grains (in small amounts), no fruit (sugar) and the rest vegetables. The third step is only raw vegetables. And the fasting is just juice, that she makes at home. Then she goes back, very gently and lets herself have everything back with less sugar and coffee.

I WOULD DIE.

I am lucky if I cook a meal. And if I do, you can rest assured it will have a complex carbohydrate in there at some point or at least a cheap whole grain. I'm a good cook... but with the roomie gone for another 4 weeks, its just me and the pooch, and we don't share meals...Plus lets be honest... I'm lazy.

But I get where she's coming from... she's just on a whole other level than me. I do need to spend some more time encouraging myself to spend more time on myself...

So I'm going to try and eat breakfast in the mornings.

And I'm going to go to yoga 3 times this week.

And I'm going to write nonsense in my blawg to keep me current, whenever I damned well feel like it.

And I'm going to get some homework done. Tonight. Mostly cuz I have to and less because I want to... but its going to get done and its going to feel awesome.

And then... I'm going to watch some chuck, read some Agatha Christy, maybe shower, take Wicket for a pee, and then I'm going to go to bed.

Beat that Rayme... A play by play of my life and Its damned good eh?

maybe I will skip to chuck first... and...

Best bumper sticker ever.

Driving home from mom and dad's, my brain is tired from a big day of over thinking... as usual. I couldn't held but laugh, when this car cut me off. It was a little silver hatchback. Young girl behind the wheel. I would normally have taken it personally and gotten mad... but she had this for a bumper sticker:

how can you take life seriously after reading something like that?

You can't take what's already yours.

These next 5 minutes are mine Bitches.

Not sharing them with anyone. Don't enter my zone. Don't call, I won't answer. You text? I'm not going to look at it right away. Why? Because this time is mine... and like the blawg says... sometimes we have to say please and thank you... and we can all be ungrateful little bitches. I hear footsteps in the hallway and now my alone time has been interrupted. i'm trying to ignore her. But the perfection of the moment is gone. I'm not alone. I can't pretend.

But I can still have these 5 minutes. I can still have this time that is mine. I don't like to be alone all the time. I don't like to feel lonely. But sometimes I feel so grateful for

peace

quiet

tranquility

rain drops on windows

cars splashing through puddles

the hum of my refrigerator

the tic tic tic of the coffee pot

the sound of my lips pressed against the side of my warm ceramic coffee cup slurping at the delicious mix of fresh coffee and cream

the footsteps have headed back to the bedroom, just a quick glass of water before they crawl back into each others arms. There is no where either of them would rather be. I am jealous of that unconditional desire to be around one another. They haven't left each other's side, and they seem to still enjoy each other's company. I know I'm too independent for that level of affection, but it would be nice to know I could crawl back into bed on this beautifully rainny day, and the bed would be warm and filled with arms to hold me.

I have instead you blawg. a creative outlet. I have my coffee. My laptop. And these 5 minutes.

These have been my minutes. and I have enjoyed every one of them

Thoughts on things.

So.

you can be in a relationship.

you can be in a relationship on facebook.

you can be in a fake relationship.

you can be in a fake relationship on facebook.

you can be in a real relationship, and not be in a relationship on facebook,

You can be friends, and undeclared as in a relationship, but even if its a relationship in real life is it really a real relationship if your not friends on facebook?

Social networking is such a drag.

still counting....

4.5 hours...

6 hours and counting...

It’s 8:25am and I’m ready for bed. He says he’s only doing a half-day… what a cheater.
I only have 6 more hours to go… and believe me, I’m counting every second. I’m tired and cranky… and I’m pretty sure a part of me died last night… you know the part that operates, basic motor function, and thinking. Birthdays are meant for good time. And I did well. I had fun. We both had fun. We all had fun. the birthday boy is still going strong. There were drinking games. Long chat’s on the deck. Good People. Good Times. We went to bed at reasonable hour. The house was still bustling, and we even though we were tired, we didn’t go to sleep right away. We had long talks, like we’d both ingested honesty serum; it was good, straight-truth, no bull-shit. The restless sleep has lead to a restless morning, and here I am ready for a nap. Good thing today is Friday and the expectations are as low as my aspirations. I’m easing into the weekend and all will be well soon enough.

.

Thursday.

Today is Thursday.
Today is not Friday.
I woke up thinking i had all of these Friday things to do.
But no.
Today is Thursday.


Tomorrow is metal night.
Friday is for rocking.

Saturday is Hockey night.
I was the second choice for attending.
The first choice said yes.

Sunday is homework night.


so that leave's Thursday....
Birthday night.
Not mine.
Marks.
he's a dude.
specifically my roommates dude.
And its his birthday today.

But its not Friday.

My vote says Cop Out...

Cop out? Or good opening performance?

Ok, so it’s not often for me that the band I’m really into decides to come to Edmonton, right when I’m really into them. Usually, they go everywhere BUT here and then I see them once I’m already kind of over them…. (context)

So I went to a show last night.
They only have 1 album.
That album only has 9 songs
They were the opening act for a terrible band
But this band is good
I was really excited
Totally into it


The sound was terrible for the first few songs… but the tech got it together by the 4th song… typical EEC. They played a 7 song set. They played well. They didn’t play my favourite song, I was disappointed….

They finished with a cover of War Pig by Black Sabbath.
They played it well.

Here comes the rant.

Why do bands, good bands, insist on finishing with covers? I’m so over it. They put all of this energy into their last song of the set… and its not even their bloody song. Vin defended their action. It really was probably the best song of their set, and it was the song the audience was the most into….

I just found it terribly disappointing.

And he played the guitar for War Pig…. On a Keyboard…. That’s just bad form.


You be the Judge...



vs

I'm not bitter, just bitchin'

Oh I could dwell in the negative:
Like my roomate kept me all night with her moaning....

Or I could look at the positive:
She'll be a much nicer person today that yesterday.



Hmmm. Still didn't get much sleep though.

Roots, bloody roots.

Ah life. you are so sweet, bitter sweet, enjoyable, lovable, cry-able, heartfelt and constantly changing.

I appreciate you.

Last night while enjoying some beverages around the table in celebration of my good friend. I looked at all the familiar faces and I felt blessed.... and a little dumbfounded. If you had told me that this motley crew would be my closest friends 10 years ago... I would have laughed at you, not with you. But here we were, many of us friends since kindergarten, having taken many different paths along the way, only to find ourselves right back where we started.

hmm.

Can I hold your hand while I explode...?

I can't stop the truth.

Why do deep thoughts plague me like an incurable disease?
Why do I need to self-evaluate?
Why do I need to put every little thing under a micro-scope, figure out what’s wrong with it, then try and fix it?
Why do I need to think about the future? Why is it compulsive?
Why can’t I just let life be? Let life tick tick tick along…? Why can’t I just settle into a happy little life on the prairies? No need to worry about tomorrow. Right? No need to think about next week. Right? No need to get all worked up over something that hasn’t happened, probably isn’t going to happen, maybe never will happen. Right?

I have never stayed in one spot for more that two years since I moved out of my parent’s house. I have never held down a job without taking some sort of leave of absence, or extended holiday for longer than 2 years… but that was in high school. I have never settled down. I have always planned for the next adventure. I’ve always moved on, moved up or moved over. I’ve never settled…
This is the longest I have lived anywhere besides the house my parents lived in, in Forest Lawn. This is the longest I’ve been employed straight thru in a real job. This is the longest I’ve gone without an adventure lasting more than a month. This is longest I’ve gone without packing my backpack.

I think I’m going stir crazy. Cabin fever. I can feel my internal engine running. I am loosing it. I’m going to burst.

Am I going to run away?

Or can I stay...................................................................?

Your Jib is useless.

So I walk in the Liquor Store las night and I say's to the guy:

"Hey guy, did you know, I don't even bother with the other Liquor Store"

and guy was like:

"Really? But you said it was closer?"

and I was like:

"Yes, this is true... but I prefer the cut of your Jib."

and he says:

"Jib, you say, well that's nice!"

and then I walked to the fridge and looked inside... and said:

"Excuse me fine sir, but do you have any Alexander Keiths?"

and he said:

"Oh Sorry Doll, we're all out"

And to this I replied...

"I'm a liar...personality don't count for shit, if you ain't got what I'm after. "

hmmm.... welcome to a market economy.

I'm over Lead Zeppelin.

share a memory with me and hit play right now....

I'm over Lead Zeppelin.

I'm over Sublime.

I'm over ACDC.

I still love Gunners.... but I don't want to listen to them.

I'm over Nirvana... seriously over those guys.

I'm sick of the bands from my past. I don't want them on my Ipod. I don't want them anywhere but on someone else's I'pod that I hear sometimes on a road trip, or in a cafe, or on the radio. I'm done. I want something new. I want something fresh. I want to hear things I haven't heard before. These bands have had their time. I don't need to reminisce. They'll come back to me somewhere sometime and I will look back at a time in my life and say 'yeah, that was good.'

Lead Zeppelin will always belong to road tripping with Wingfield. Sublime will be road tripping with Zetto. Gunner's will always belong to the Nullarbor, ACDC to dancing in the rain and Nirvana to the Radio.

New band's belong on the Ipod's, these classics belong to chance. They're special don't get me wrong, but I'm sick of spoiling them with overplaying.

The band that will remind me of right now.. snuggled on the couch with Wicket... on this beautiful fall day... well I'm listening to this song....

Glutton for punish-meant.

Sometimes I miss waitressing.

Its my clutch.

Looking back... I miss getting paid to interact with people. I miss being on my feet. I miss the day going by fast. I miss talking dirty to the kitchen. Shocking the waiters. Lying. Eating good food. Watching people eat good food. Explaining what good food is all about. I miss drinking lots... and no one questioning it. I miss making killer money...whether I deserved was irrelevant. I miss one day slipping into the next, never missing a beat, never worrying about anything, never truly being challenged, but always being busy.

Then I wake up, look at my computer, and get back to getting paid to write shit. Hey look its Friday... and I have the weekend off.

this one's for all those crazy kids who inspire me... even when they're on the other side of the world.

Excuse me, ahem, I have an announcement.

My new get-out-of-jail-free-card.

mmm

Hot. nuff said.

Straight Truthing... it isn't always the answer.

Ok. So I’ve given the blog a rest. Truthfully I’ve been tired, busy, and sick of my own thoughts. Extra truthfully? My dad asked me not to blog. Told me that my generation is open with our personal information and I should keep more of this kind of stuff to myself. Since my blog has been a straight-truth-through-and-through kind blog, I decided to listen; maybe a blog doesn’t have to be so personal. Maybe I’m just not comfortable with that just yet. Maybe that much self-reflection isn’t a good thing.

SO here I am. Decidedly impersonal.

Did you know that people are deeply offended if you discontinue their status as a friend of Fbook? I had no idea until yesterday, how much of a societal faux pas this is. SO I deleted some guy. We aren’t friends. We don’t know each other. I would never hang out with him. Just a friend of a friend of a friend of mine… we chatted briefly on a trip I once took… and I never looked back. He must have thought out friendship was so much more. No word of a lie, I was cleansing my friends list at 10:05 am… by 12:15 I had a text from him inquiring:

“Why did you delete me off facebook?” :(

Now I’m what I would consider to be a generally nice person. I don’t like to like. But truth be told I really wasn’t a fan of this little fella. He was highly inquisitive, generally demanding, moderately offensive, slightly rude, and generally speaking not a person I really wanted to be friends with. Now I don’t think this is a big deal. Not all of us are meant to be friends. Some of us are meant to be acquaintances, some of us are meant to be co-workers, some of us are meant to be polite to each other, and some of us are meant to pass each other on the street oblivious of one another. Now I didn’t want to start a ruckus with this little guy… but I really didn’t want him to get the impression that

A) I was interested in his friendship in any sort of capacity and

B) That his actions that I found rude, offensive, demanding etc were acceptable.

Now I probably should have gotten off my high horse and just ignored this pleading text message for blind affection… but I just couldn’t ignore the nagging feeling in my gut to say something… say anything that would ensure A and B. I also wanted to ensure professionalism to the utmost, and ensure that whatever I said could not be misconstrued as an insult. I was mistaken. Men have sensitive egos and even the most professional statements can leave something for want. I replied:

“As we spent more time together I came to realize that the only thing we have in common is our mutual affection for our mutual friends. I do not, however, feel this necessitates us being Fbook friends. I thank you again for the time we spent together, take care.”

Apparently I was too cold, maybe too curt, maybe I used too big of words, maybe I was too professional, not friendly enough. Either way, his ego was bruised, he was offended, he was hurt, and he started the name calling, his reply was:
“Wow… you’re kind of a jerk.”

Ok, I’m a big girl. I can take that one. I think this demonstrates his immaturity. I think this shows that I’m being the bigger person. Keep in mind, I am still absolutely blown away that deleting someone from facebook warrants this kind of discussion in the first place. Who am I to argue with his feelings? I shouldn’t have said the following, but his reaction spurred a reaction in me and what can I say, my texting finger got the best of me. I replied:

“You and you’re friend proved to be disrespectful, offensive and aggressive towards me. I will refrain from name calling out of respect for our mutual friends. I am still, however, uninterested in pursuing a friendship with you. Take Care.”

I thought this was straight up, honest, sincere. It was in keeping with A and B and in keeping with my moral agenda. I was feeling good with what I wrote. Buuut, you bruise and ego and the reader won’t even read the words… and they see is some bitch who wrote them. So he of course replied:

“Out of respect for our friends!!??! Seriously!?! I will tell them myself that you’re a jerk, cuz you are a… jerk.

PEACE OUT”

And to think, through all of this time, I had no idea that this little guy was an aspiring-wanna-be-rapper-punk. Now I know better than to rebuttal a ‘Peace Out’ but I just wanted to ensure him that I was not trying to hurt his feelings. I was sincerely confused by his reply. I didn’t think I had said anything remotely offensive in my last statement. I thought everything I said was also completely obvious. I mean if you had been there during out last encounter, you could have cut the tension with a knife. I thought he understood that there was no future of friendship between us, but I wanted him to understand I also had no ill-will towards him. So I replied:

“I have no feelings of ill towards you. I thank you again. Take Care”

and the little bastard replied:

“I have no ill feelings towards you either; I just think you’re a jerk. You jerk.” : D

(open face smiley face was included)

Oh well, you can’t win em all I guess. Sometimes the truth isn’t the right way, and sometimes you can be too honest.

Learned my lesson: Never offer an explanation when you delete someone from facebook, especially if they ask for one. If you’ve deleted them, they probably don’t deserve one.

I also do no feel that this picture required an explanation. Its just honest, good ol'fashioned funny.

Learning to love the ride...

My house is a mess. I have homework. I have to clean and vacuum the condo. I should fix up the garden. I should empty the planters. I should tidy my room, do laundry, empty the dishwasher, clean the bathroom. I should read that book for history class. I should print out the notes for school on Monday. I should make the dahl I keep promising myself for lunches next week. I should do the banking, transfer the funds. I should take wicket for another walk. I should be outside enjoying the sunshine... the last day of summer... it really feels like fall.

I love autumn. I've chosen instead of doing all of these things to sit on my patio, and watch the leaves fall for a little while. The rest can wait for another day. The only one it all affects is me... and I can live without it. I love sitting here, on the patio furniture I finally paid off on my credit card. Enjoying the sunshine, the blue skies, the rustling of the leaves. I love how wicket is curled up just inside the door. He doesn't want to be outside, but he wants to be near me. I just grabbed him and forced him into some family time.

Maybe its the hangover... maybe its the years of travelling... but its nice to be home. Its nice to have the calmness of the season wash over me, and not be leaving. So often when the seasons have started to change, its meant there's a shift in the way I am, what I'm doing, where I'm going. This time I'm here. I'm home. A calm settles over me as I relax and melt into the moment.

Today is a good day. It reminds me of my life in Coles Bay. The life where everything happens at a much slower pace than anywhere else. A plan is never a definite plan on the East Coast. Its always relative. Anything that 'should' be done today, can always be done tomorrow. Anything that has to get done now, can always get done later. I miss that life sometimes. I miss those moments. Here it seems like I have to force my body into submission before I can enjoy the moment. Wicket helps. He helps me stay comfortable at home, gives me a sense of purpose, when I feel like I should leave and 'do' something, he reminds me that I'm needed right where I am. I've never been loved absolutely unconditionally before. I mean of course by my parents and my bro, but this little guy's different, he needs me and loves me more than anyone else on this entire planet. That's saying something.

Today as this relaxing calm sweeps over me, I'm reminded that the wild-child within is bubbling to the surface. The line 'the calm before the storm' always pertains to me. I've been trying to keep her at bay by giving her peeks out more often, but I never know with her. She gets scared and takes it to the next level. The party-animal side of me will never go away. And you know, I don't want her to. I like that side of me, I just hate loosing the rest of me whenever she bubbles to the surface. I think I can keep myself in check though.

I mean life's good, and sometimes life gets crazy. Crazy's good as long as crazy doesn't turn into scary.

I'm not scared anymore. So life is crazy good?

As long as I learn to love the ride.

The only thing you can't buy is pussy... oh wait...

Have you ever gotten absolutely rotten drunk with an Albanian?

now I can honestly say I have. 3 Rotten Albanian's actually.

They weren't that tough. And as far as I can tell... they're terrible with the ladies. I mean I was batting a better rate than they were. They drank hard. Played shitty soccer. Went home early the next day. None of them got laid.

Suckers....

I drank for keeps Both Nights. Attended every soccer match with my game face on.

Buying drinks doesn't work... dancing does. If you can successfully own a dance floor without making it seem like you're trying to pick up chicks, and simultaneously make it seem like your having more fun than everyone else... you win. (period)

-everyone goes out to have fun... if you look like your having more fun than anyone else... you probably are.

WATCH THE VIDEO.

Miss C.

Sometimes you meet people who make you a better person than you would have been if you'd never met them at all. Today I wrote a letter to one of my dearest friends, she's one of these people.

It went a little something like this:

"When I think of my writing, when I think of my audience, I think of you.

In a perfect world I would get paid to write you letters everyday. In a very perfect world you would be sitting in the living room reading your book, while I wrote these letters. In a perfect world, the house of Essex would be on the Big Island and we'd all be beautifully wind blown, sun kissed and tired from playing on the beach. We would have fiesta's every afternoon, and drink delicious wine in the evening's. Our meals would be filled with delicious vegetables from the garden..a garden you made with your own hands. And the house would always smell faintly of freshly brewed coffee. In a perfect world hangovers wouldn't exist, time wouldn't matter and we would both feel completely fulfilled in our chosen carer paths. We would feel blessed, and grateful.
I mean... Well... I guess...I am sort of getting paid to write you letters... But wouldn't it be wonderful if it was legitimate..."

This was in response to an entire email filled with good stories and love... one line of hers hits me though:

"we are due for a weekend together... we are due for the world! right? or not... we haven't inherited the world from our grandparents we are borrowing it from our grandchildren? something like that... anyway... wanna ditch everthing and go to wyoming?"

She is my friend. She makes me a better person. I appreciate her friendship. I miss her.

In the news: Oil and Whore's

First day of school: Done. No. I didn’t panic. And Yes. It went just fine. My classes are all pretty cool, I chose wisely. So who knows, faithful follower, you may just learn something over the next few months.
Now I’m back in the office setting, counting the minutes, counting the hours, until I get to go to Calgary for the weekend. I was just settling into the groove of Edmonton and I’m off again. I did say I had the travel itch… I guess Calgary kinda counts.

In the meantime… let the learning continue:

Did you know that Suncor (a Canadian integrated energy company in Calgary, Alberta, specializing in the production of synthetic crude from oil sands) is facing environmental charges for a third time?

By Hanneke Brooymans, edmontonjournal.com September 10, 2010 6:33 AM

“EDMONTON - Suncor is facing environmental charges for the third time in just over two years. This time around the oilsands company faces nine charges because it allegedly failed to comply with its Water Act licence and approval and for providing misleading information to Alberta Environment about stormwater run-off at its Voyageur upgrader site.

In 2008, the company also faced a charge for failing to provide information to Alberta Environment about a contravention.

It's not surprising that Alberta Environment would aggressively pursue charges against a company that failed to provide it with information, which is a cornerstone of their compliance system, said Cindy Chiasson, executive director of the Environmental Law Centre.
"Generally speaking, pieces around timely reporting, failing to report and validity of information, that's the kind of thing Alberta Environment tends to pursue pretty vigorously because their system all ties around industry self-monitoring and self-reporting," she said. "So if you've got sliding there, then to some extent the system all falls apart."

Chiasson said Alberta Environment's track record shows that when multiple charges are laid they will ensure that if there is a plea bargain that there are guilty pleas on the company's failure to report.

Suncor says that in both cases there were fairly complex regulatory processes in play. Spokesman Brad Bellows said they believed they were in compliance with the regulations at the time therefore did not provide the regulator with a report saying they were not in compliance. "Our belief was that we were on side."

Their first court appearance on the current charges is set for Nov. 3 in Fort McMurray.”

Hmm…. Big business going down?

I suppose we’ll learn more as the semester progresses.

hey, don’t worry I’ll be back with more bullshit after the weekend… the drama lives on, even though the learning continues.


Read more:

http://www.edmontonjournal.com/technology/Suncor+faces+environmental+charge+third+time/3502243/story.html#ixzz0z8PslAYe

Oh and here's another bad guy:

Edmonton brothel owner’s appeal dismissed


By Alexandra Zabjek, edmontonjournal.com September 10, 2010 6:49 AM Read more: http://www.edmontonjournal.com/news/Edmonton+brothel+owner+appeal+dismissed/3502327/story.html#ixzz0z8SiHPdv

So if you read this blog... you learned something today. So you can go back to bed. Pat on the back. You've accomplished something.